I am Scared .....Need Urgent Prayers

Side view of spine

I am sorry for my blogging absence as of the last few months even though I try top keep up with Pinterest which thankfully also gets FB and Twitter at the same time.

I am a Survivor of many abuses and to this day I am struggling with Complex PTSD and now I am having issues getting my psych medicines I need due to a miscommunication of my primary doctor to my medication manager at mental health. These abuses have taken a serious toll on my body, emotions and mind and yes, my spirit as well. I have had a really hard time letting go of my Past and it has been destroying me and now just when I make to decision to finally let it go .......Bads things happen all at once......
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 I am battling with a Sinus Infection I have had since September 2015 and no one wants to give me the long term antibiotic I need. My insurance denied the Sinus Cat Scan that was ordered by another doctor I saw December 29, 2015 while my primary was gone on vacation due to me not having been on long term antibiotics. Now I have an bacterial infection in my left breast and also in my intestines.
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I have a Bone Tumor (Enchondroma) in my left leg that is still waiting (after already waiting for a year and a half) on the follow-up MRI to see if it is growing. If it is growing, it means Bone cancer. I do have a painful bump and a extremely tender tendon or ligament. I am praying that it is the Psoriatic Arthritis, if it has to be anything.
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  I also have a severe case of Lordosis (Sway Back) in my lower spine and untreated Psoriatic Arthritis, with two other kinds of Arthritis( Spondylosis, Spondylitis) in my Spine along with Degenerative Disc Disease which is extremely painful especially with weather changes. I cannot take narcotic pain meds due to my Fibromyalgia nor use pain patches due to an adhesive allergy. This presents a huge problem when it comes to relieving my pain.
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 I am going to be tested for also Breast Cancer and Uterine Cancer.
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 I will be honest I am very scared. I am not ready to die yet. I still have Dreams but I am mostly worried about my husband and our Pepper. I have already been in such high intense pain in the past two years that just thought of more pain is too much.
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But I am also trying to trust that God does not allow pain without a purpose.That God still has a good plan for me.
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So I would like to ask for everyone who passes through here and sees my post to pray for me please.

Until I know more,
Karen

P.S. ***UPDATE*** Received Psych medicines,  but still no antibiotic as my primary doctor REALLY wanted the Sinus Cat Scan so it would prove that I do not need the antibiotic which is pure bs!!! I have needed it since the very beginning.  But she did authorize more Mucinex for me. So keep praying ya'll!

Needing Prayers For Healing....

Hi there Everyone,

 So sorry I have not been online much in the last week or so but I have been REALLY sick with a combination of Virus/Allergies/ and a Severe Sinus Infection for which I still have not been treated for as I am technically in between doctors as the new doctor has not yet received my Medical Records even though I filed the Release over a week ago with my current Temporary Doctor's Office since my Family Doctor has sadly retired.

On top of THAT, I have Tendonitis in my right elbow so bad it was swollen way up! Every time I tried to use my left arm I ended up with Tendonitis in my wrist and hand and it went up my forearm.

ON Top of That, I have just been diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis, which includes Spondylitis (Which essentially means that I have arthritis and inflammation in my spinal bones. ) and Facial or Scalp Psoriasis which at this point it is mild, but the arthritis hurts like I cannot even begin to describe.

If you want to learn more about Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis then check out the  National Psoriasis Foundation Website for lots of helpful information.

At this point, until I can get rid of the infection I cannot have my colonoscopy done which I need badly to determine what I have been so ill with since September 18,2014 and still having issues with. My Rheumatologist is putting me on Methotrexate and Folic Acid, but until I find out if I need antibiotics I cannot take the Methotrexate.

To be honest I am scared as heck to even start the Methotrexate, especially since one of the side effects is possibly losing your hair and I have been growing my hair out long especially for our Vow Renewal that we have been planning and working on for four years now. I know that it is just hair and that my life is more important, it is just that Our Vow Renewal has been so long in the planning  stage and I keep getting sicker and sicker. I am so scared that it will not happen.....

So I am asking for your prayers as I know that Prayer can accomplish great Miracles and I need one now......

New Horizon's Ahead: Learning to Adjust My Sails

Someone Welcome Me back home Please.

 I realize it has been many months since I have been able to post anything, but I do have very legitimate Reasons ( Not Excuses).

I have been struggling with many Extremely painful health conditions all at once ( Still lining up Doctor appointments and Tests) and  withdrawing from my Pain medicine (More on that Later.). Playing in the garden again and making new friends and losing some to cancers of various forms. 

I have just started treatment for my Complex PTSD and Depression. Well, in the planning stages anyway we are just discussing the program right now and my history of various Trauma's I have lived through and have never been treated for before. 

I have finally decided that I really want the things I have always dreamed about that has always stood on the other side of the FEAR I have dealt with since I was only 6 years old. So when you think about it I have wasted 37 years of my life due to my Complex PTSD.

I realize that it may affect me for the rest of my life and my relationships but I am only asking for Love, Compassion and Grace to be me, please, and that I will have to take medicine  for the rest of my life for it as well I am ready. 

This is a battle I have faced in Silence all these years due to the fact that simply I was born into a family that could not be trusted and that abused me in various traumatizing ways.

So you cold say that I am finally learning to "Adjust My Sails". I may not be able to settle the storms by myself but I can definitely go to the ONE who can and that is God. This will be a bumpy ride with my hubby's and His Family learning about my Complex PTSD , I mean actually learning about it and not just glossing over the facts and pretending that I am just Overreacting. They will have to learn a whole NEW way to communicate with me  so please pray that they will extend the Love , Compassion and Grace I am asking for.

Now, onto the More on That Later --Pain Medicine--

I was tripping across Youtube on day after getting off of my Opioid Medicine and found what might just save many lives and reduce alot of suicides in my Humble opinion. It was a seemingly long (hour and half) boring video from Stanford Medical University title "What is Fibromyalgia". It was a public education period in which they were educating Fibromyalgia Patients and Anyone who knew one.

But stay with me here Folks, it is so totally worth watching it until the VERY END Even past the Q&A! This is where you will learn about Low Dose Naltrexone 4.5mg. 

Please watch it and get anyone you can to Donate to this Research Study as they are having trouble obtaining enough funds to do a Large Study (They have already had two very successful Studies. )and it is difficult due to this medicine being an old medicine that has been on the market for awhile and it is very hard to get it produced in the low level that is needed as it is so old that Pharmaceutical Companies are not backing this Research Study. 

So without further ado I present the video:

Stanford Medical University Video "What is Fibromyalgia"?

Now onto Blogging News, I am still planning my New Masquerading Crafter Rebrand Celebration and New Blog. So keep that in Prayer as well, Please. This is a work in progress, but due to my health and pain at the moment it will take maybe a few months to get it started so I ask for Patience and Friendships and Encouragement.

Until Next Time,

Karen 

Still Healing and Coming to Terms with Things in My Life

Hello Masquerading Crafter Friends,

I will be the first one to admit that I am battling with Depression very heavily and this past year since my physical pain has been at the highest it has ever been before it has got me thinking thoughts I would rather not have.

So in that avenue of thought, I am reaching out to my Online Friends (since the ones I thought were my friends have abandoned me) for the Love, Encouragement, and the Support I truly need.

Is anyone really there for me and actually with me? I have reached out to many people only to be told they are too busy, I'm nuts and that I am too needy. That I "need to find Retired neighbors or Homebound people who maybe like me are crippled, too. Perhaps they would have time for me. That "working" people are just too busy and do not have the amount of time I seem to require".

Yes, it was said in a moment of stress, but it has implications and scars on my soul for the rest of my life. These remarks came from someone who I thought of as "Best Friends" so it really stung when I really  heard what they thought of me.  I wept so hard that I have blown my Pituitary Gland out.

I know that I am not that way, I just happened to be in Chronic pain and it takes more high quality items just to  ease my physical pain. Just for a few minutes of comfort that is all I am asking for. It is not my fault I was created this way. I try to go cheaper when I can, but in some areas I just cannot and my feet are one of those areas. My feet were messed up as a young child when I had to walk for fourteen miles a day in ill-fitting shoes because that was all my parents could afford. I was walking picking up dirty, foul-smelling beer cans to get enough money to feed my baby brother at the time. You tell me, Did that prove that I loved my brother? My Parents? So in your prayers tonight please ask God to give me a comfortable pair of shoes that will last more than three months. I walk so heavy I wear them out that quick.

I really want my Dream of taking this blog to the next level to come to pass, but in all honesty, with my pain getting worse I am not seeing that happening any time soon, if ever and I am just praying that it is not too late to follow this Dream.  I really want to create a happy positive fun place to be but it is so hard for me to actually be happy when I feel so Abandoned and Alone.

I have another Dream as well, one that has been haunting me for the past 24 years soon to be 25. July 27th and August 26th to be exact. I want my Daughter and Son back in my life. I never truly left them. My heart and thoughts were always and still are on and of them. I did the best thing I could do concerning the situation I was in at the time. I got the medical help and mental health help I needed, but it has come at a very high cost. It caused a great divide between me and my beloved children. I do not know how to overcome the lies my own mother fed them. I keep praying for their safety and for them to know Jesus. I am trying to hope that God will one day answer my prayer. This missing out on my Children's lives is killing me. I just pray that they can forgive me and learn to know the "real" me. The "me" that would give her life to protect her Children, but was not given the chance, I tried and the Social Services hung up on me mid-sentence. I have never gotten over that, it still haunts I had tried so hard to get my Daughter back but Satan blocked me.

Now you know my Dirty Secrets. I am a Childless Mother and a Motherless Child.

Do you still care to get to know me? If so, you will never find a more loyal Friend.

Love Always,
Karen

Living My Dream This Year!!! Question for my Readers.

Hello,  My Friends (waves a Paw)

This is the year I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to run after my Dreams.

This Year : The word for the year is Bloom

I will OVERCOME:         1. Rejection by others in my life. 
                                 I will Focus on the True Friends that I do have and realize that I am already ACCEPTED as a Daughter of the KING!!!! God Loves Me as I am. I want to change because of His awesome Love for me. No other man has ever died for me before. That is true love when you choose to carry someone else's Cross, Burden, Bad Deeds. So ..."Even if my Healing never comes, God You Are Good!!"... My New favorite song by Kutless

                            2. FEAR of Being Abandoned
                             I have started an Art Journal                                                     to Process my Wounds and Scars and my Tears. And will be getting back into Services for myself to control my symptoms.
                           
                            3. FEAR of not being Good Enough
                            I have joined an Online Bible Study Over at                                         http://www.womenlivingwell.org. I am in the Chronic Illness Group. They are looking for some more Group Leaders. So come on over and join us!

4. Throwing in some Weight Loss & Exercises.

                                       I have joined up over at                                                                       http://www.Sparkpeople.com for encouragement in eating healthier and beginning Exercises for the those with Limited Mobility. We can still Exercise ya'll! Plus, cutting down on my pop!

                    5. I am to become more Organized & Productive.
                          I have officially ordered the This is my Life                                      Planners over at http://avirtuouswoman.org/. I LOVE IT!!!

                     6.  I AM Seeing myself as Beautiful inspite of my                                 Pain. I am trading my Ashes for the Beauty of the                             Lord. I am choosing to just ....Bloom without competing with the flower next to me. (This is a partial Quote I found on Pinterest today). I am Accepting Me as I am. I am more than the sum of my broken pieces and I will share my full story on my new About page as I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ and my Life is my Testimony of what God can do if You just let Him work in your life. 

                  7. Starting on Living My Dream of writing a book teaching those who are dealing with Abandonment Issues how to live without Fear of Rejection which is the beginning of Abandonment and how to Live Life with Abandon! I am so pumped about this ya'll. So please keep this in your prayers, please, I want it to become a reality. I will need to raise the money somehow, but I am trusting for God to provide the $2,999 I need to get my book where I want it to be. I took a huge leap of Faith already, I have been in contact with the Publisher I want to use. I will be calling the lady tomorrow. Kind of really nervous so pray that it goes well! {{{hugz}}}}

Ok, Ya'll got a Question for you what do you think of this hairstyle for my Vow Renewal?

This is my Favorite Thing Today!

Long Time No See And I Can Really Use Your Prayers

Hello Dear Friends,

It has been one heck of a week for me.

First, it started off with me going to visit my Endocrinologist at +Virginia Mason  for my Thyroid, She promptly sent me straight over to ER as my Blood Pressure was 140/99 and my pulse was 129. Even after giving me 2 liters of fluids which normally affects the heart rate, it did nothing to mine and they could not get it to go below 111. So they released me back home to go see my regular doctor which I did the very next day who promptly diagnosed me with Sinus Tachycardia and an Enlarged heart.  It also appears it may all be because my COPD is getting worse.

 I am on doctor's orders to just rest and to avoid any and all kinds of stress at all cost. So I had to tell this to my boss ( the author) so please pray that he is very kind about it and actually lets me rest. It will be hard for him as we are truly down to the very last chapter of his book.

To be honest, I am downright scared of my future even though I know I should not be as a Christian but I am. I finally talked to a Friend from Church last night  about it. I just wish I could talk to my hubby about it but he keeps taking off to go hiking with the dog and leaving me alone for hours. I think and my friend thinks that it is because he cannot handle what is going on with my health and that he might be truly frightened but not knowing what to do about it. That coupled with his having a Mid-life Crises.

That is where it stands for now.

I will post more as I am able to do so.

Until Next Time,

Love,
Karen

A Blanket to Dye for.....My Current Undertaking....

How Do You Do?

This is my latest undertaking :

Torn Fringe Trim 

The Fringe is mostly reusable, Yeah! Free Trim for me!

The Blanket to Dye for....It was given to me by a neighbor for free.
I am in the process of trying to dye it blue. Pray that the Kool-aid works as the Food Coloring did not :o(.

.I 

I just love the Crewel work on this blanket, but I despise it being white in a place that owns a black haired puppy. So I really want it to be blue!

I am going to let it soak tonight since I have added Blue Raspberry Lemonade +Kool-Aid to the water. Please pray it works. It has been soaking for three days in just food coloring but it did not even touch it.

I am also dyeing white rose petals I need for our Vow Renewal. 

My Hubby is sooooo very sweet! He bought me white yarn and an extra packet of +Kool-aid! Guess what I am going to do ? I am going to try dyeing my yarn blue. I am so excited! Got a question though.....Do I let it dry out in the sun? I would have to lay it over our railing...or on my chair :o)  I had to explain to my loving hubby that the excitement was in the actual process of dyeing the Yarn as he asked a very earnest question of, "Why don't you just buy blue yarn?"  His strength is dealing with Computers, Mine is Creativity. 

Until Next Time,

Karen

The "Real" Me Getting Very Real with My Followers.....

The Real Me Karen M. Roth at Christmas 2013

I have included this picture of myself as I am finding out because I am a bit too informational and detailed about my life people do not take me for Real. It is because of such an attitude from my online followers, friends {and otherwise} and the people in my RL being too Busy and too stressed to have time for me and because of the lack of affection and love from my own husband  that on April 4, 2014 I almost was no more.

 I felt so rejected, unloved, and unwanted {not including the fact I wanted to see my father before he dies and to see my brother who I am have not seen since 2007} that I tried to kill myself.

All because no one truly is interested in my Life's journey, the pain, suffering, the major losses in my life....My Story,  yet I listen to other peoples stories completely before I form an opinion of them.

I am only telling you now just so you will know what has happened to me all this time.

I do have happier Craft related posts to make, but right now my health has taken a serious toll on me and I am so weakened that I can barely make it from my bedroom to my desk. Plus, prepping for my Colonoscopy. Which is the 30th.

The Special Adrenal Gland Scan just revealed a Benign Fatty Tumor on my left Adrenal Gland which still is not telling them what is truly wrong with me. Other than a possibility of it being Cushing's Syndrome or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) but the Gyn is not convinced that PCOS is the problem. I am scheduled for removal of the Mirena to see if that will fix my problems.

I just know that I am feeling weaker by the day and I have the most awful feeling in my lower legs and feet that never stops. My vision has been adversely affected. I am now also using Fentanyl patches and my pain is still above that.

Well, that is it for now

Until Next Time,
Karen

P.S. Does anyone even care about me at all?

Trying to Drown My Sorrow With Crafts

It has been very hard for me to be stuck in the western part of the United States while my family is in the Midwest. Especially knowing that my family truly needs me and not having the money to get a plane ticket to fly back home to help out.

So I have been drowning my sorrow in a few crafts.

I made this out of 11"x 17" paper (Legal). I folded it in half then I used needle and thread to bind it. I found a pretty piece of scrapbooking papers that I had gotten at Target and pieced the pieces together. Then used fancy scissors to detail it for the tags I used my new Fiskars Lace 3 way punch ( I love it!! ). Then I put some good old Elmers on the spine and wrapped the paper I  had pieced together around the legal paper and clamped it down with 6 mini binder clips.

Just a different perspective of the notebook I made.

Me and My Ideas :o)

The Butterfly and pearl wreath I had previously posted before I had finished it. It is now welcoming Spring and it will be used again for our Vow Renewal. 

This is the back of my Encouragement File I put together after reading +Joel Osteen's "Every Day a Friday" It is an awesome book and I highly recommend it !

This is the bottom part of the front. 

Aren't the Birdy and the butterfly just so sweet?

I forgot to use the Macro button when I took this but it shows the two Martha Stewart Heart punches I had previously won on EBAY. I LOVE EBAY so much that it is the way I have been gathering up everything for our Vow Renewal. 

This is the front part of the lid to my case. I tried to capture the two clear beads I used on the elastic you wrap around the envelope.

I tried to get the birdy up close so you can make out what the stamp says inside the birdy itself.

I am going to finish my sweater necklace I am making. I am so excited about it as it is my own design,  a OOAK....(One of a Kind).

I have also made an Exercise Binder to help keep me motivated to not only exercise, but to eat healthier, to help me understand my illnesses better and how I can manage some of the symptoms. I still need to set up the time I want to do my exercises every day and I am going to change the exercises up so that I am not doing the same things day after day except for the stretching. Not sure when I will start, but I will let ya'll know when I do. My goal is to be able to walk down to the end of our field approximately a 1/4 mile without having to stop and rest every few steps for 20 minutes. I really want to walk down the aisle on my own two feet , arm and arm with my dear sweet husband Ben. It is going to take a bit as currently I am on a walker and a cane. Barely able to walk to the mailbox and to the front office at the clubhouse. :o( So please pray for me and wish me well in my adventure to learn to walk unaided again. My most important dream it is be able to dance with my husband on the eve of our Vow Renewal. I want to waltz  to Beethoven and Bach. A true Victorian Romance *Swoons*

   Woo me , My Darlin'. You have all of me, heart, body, mind and soul. I have eyes only for you. None other will do, only you for me, My One True Love. Heart and Soul you are the piece that makes me whole.
Until in Heaven we should meet, Only you make my heart beat. I shall profess my love for thee both near and far. {©2014 Karen M. Roth "Profession of Love"}

"Oh, How I love thee, Let me count the ways...." { Elizabeth Barrett Browning‎} 

Until Next Time,

Karen  

Please Help Me Out.....Help me get back home

Please will you please donate to my plane ticket fund to help me get back to my parents?

I have not seen my parents, nor have I spoken to them in 10 long years due to my mother's stubborn pride and unwillingness to forgive me. It was they who disowned me,  not the other way around,  Now when they need me the most I want to be there for them but I cannot be due to my Ankylosing Spondylitis and possible Cancer zapping us of all needed funds. My hubby and I only live on my hubby's SSI Benefits each month.

Please help me, please. I am not some spammer who wants to scam you all. I am a desperate wife and daughter who truly wants to help her parents in the short time she has left. In fact, just this morning I spoke with the lady from the Assisted Living place that has Memory Care because I want to try and keep my parents together. I also asked her to visit my folks to let them know that I am only trying to help from a very long distance away.....I live in Washington and my parents live in Kansas. This is utter torture for me! I want to be there for them and to show them that I do love them and always have. I also want to be able to visit my only brother who happens to be in prison.

 Please help me however you are able to whether it is with a donation of $ 1.00 or a $100.00.


***UPDATE***

I now have $250.00  in my plane ticket fund thanks to my brother, which was not easy for him to send as he is in prison and gets paid so little on his job. So Bro, here's a shout out to you I love you and Miss you bunches and I really hope to see you soon {{{hugz}}}!


I would have had a loan of $5000,  but it turned out to be a scam. Boy, do I ever feel the fool.

I just really want to get back home,  please,  won't you consider even a $5.00 donation?

 For $5.00 I will make and print out some pretty Stationery and my Daily Schedule.

 For $10.00,  a lacy bookmark. You choose the color,  I choose the style :o)

 For $25.00. I will throw in a hand crocheted Cross with a brightly painted wooden frame

 For $35.00 I will make a scarf of your choosing. I will show the patterns to choose from in a blog post. 

 For $50.00 I will make an heirloom Beaded Christmas Ornament.  

 For $100.00 I will make an Heirloom Bedspread. 

*****Update*****

Please Help My New Friend.....Organized Chaos

Come on, Ya'll please give my new friend a hand up on her Cash Giveaway!

#cashgiveaway #bloggeropp Sign up now with @ShanaMom2 and don't miss this amazing blogger opportunity!
— Karen Roth (@ffpaws) February 13, 2014

Betcha Cannot Guess.....

Betcha Cannot guess what I am in the process of doing?

Are ya guessing yet :o)

Cleaning my house...... trying to

Doing my nails...... bought two new colors :o)

Organizing my embroidery floss...... Already done.....

Finally posting a blog post? Well, sort of :o)

Have I made ya crazy yet? O.0 

Well, what do you guess I am going to do next?

***Here's my Poll***

1. Getting a new hairdo

2. Losing weight

3. Organizing my crafts

4. Being More Positive with my outlook on things happening to me.

5. Going back to school for Graphics Design 

6. Buying myself a new purse and wallet in a happier color 

7.  Biting the bullet and starting to give myself my Humira Injections every other week for the rest of my life in a very relaxed peaceful setting with my favorite music playing. 

8. Beading a butterfly necklace for myself, Of course ^.^

9. Making a Shabby Chic Christmas Tree Skirt 

10. Eat my favorite comfort food Kraft Mac~n~cheese with hamburger and peas

I bet you one of a kind handmade notebook if you can guess which of these I am for certain going to do or may have done already ^.^

Leave your guesses in the comments below, please :o)

Urgent Prayer Request:

Just found out that my 86 year old Father-in-law Pa Bear, er, excuse me, Don Roth is in the hospital and has been in there for 6 days. It started out as a Bladder Infection and it has turned for the worse. He was supposed to have been transferred to a hospital in Yakima for Rehab. As soon as I can get my hubby awake and dressed we are on our way to see him in CCU.

He has had so much happen to him in such a short time. First he had open heart surgery to try a pig valve but it failed. Then he got a pacemaker put in. Then last year he had brain surgery to remove an 80ml blood clot. Then he had a foot of his intestine removed.

This is not the first Bladder infection he has had. But from what they say he is not doing well at all.

I know that at this point it seems that he has just given up on living. He has battled so hard.
I would love to see his suffering to end peacefully. There are mixed feelings in the family right now. This is especially hard on my mother-in-law Ma Bear, er, excuse me Dot Roth as she is still trying to adjust to living on her own in the next town over.

So could you please pray for us.

On to Happy Thoughts....

Hello Friends,

I am trying to help myself think more positive, but for me it is so hard to do on my own so I have joined Happify. Will ya'll join me over there and become my real time friends? I could really use it now. I could really use encouragement. Maybe some happy colored notebooks or altered journals with a written notes by you  in them on the first page?

If you want to participate in my Happifying journey and giving me some real time encouragement just email me at Karen Roth Contact me, please and I will email you my address so ya'll can write me. I understand that many of ya'll live very busy lives, but can you please spare one moment to write to me?

Now on to something that makes my happiness factor go way up, I just wish I could have these things in real life,lol

Shabby Chicness

Roses and Teacups
There is nothing sweeter than a bunch of adorable teddies. 

Just a shout out to +roses-and-teacups you do amazing work :o) Love everything!

Speaking of which, rush your little selves over to my Blenpal, Angie Tower who is the most awesome gourd artist! I so want here Windsor blue purse, just my color and design, I have a crush + on it.

Regional Renown Gourd Artist, Angie Tower

Until Next Time,
Karen

What a couple of weeks....

Well, I am so sorry I have not been posting lately but I have had doctor appointment after appointment  and that is not even mentioning just how ill I have been as of late.

*Good News for now*

I went to see Dr. MacDonald on the 20th and he told me that my Enchondroma is Benign for now but he wants to keep an eye on it for the next 6 months to make sure there is no growth. So I go back in 6 months to get two more MRI's to see.

Meanwhile, I am having a Mammogram and an ultrasound due to a lump and a swelling I have on the right side just below my breast. It hurts like a dickens and I am having trouble getting comfy in bed now because of it. It seems to be right on the bottom rib. I have been so drained of energy, stamina, and pain has zapped all my physical strength. 

So ya'll, can I ask for ya'll to pray for me. We can really use it since I have run out of my Vitamin D3 and we cannot afford to get it being without it has left me with blind spots in my left eye and a horrid buzzing that started in my right foot and is slowly creeping up my legs each time I have to go without my D3 and I am out of my eye drops as well. Being without the D3 has left me terribly grumpy and I have been fighting with my husband but I think a big portion of my anger is stemming from my uncontrolled ADD.

 I broke down and wept today missing my family terribly  since they rejected me and took my daughter and son away from me when I was only trying to do the right thing. I wept for my children who I love so dearly even though they chose to listen to the lies my mother had told them.. I wept for missing my parents even though they have disowned me, because no matter how much they neglected my needs they are still my parents and I do love them dearly, it is just that they have taken their eyes off of Jesus and that they have never dealt with their own issues before having children. In fact, the day I was born my father was busy getting drunk at the GI Club on the base where I was born. My mother went through it all alone, yet she stayed with him for reasons I cannot assume. When he was home he was a workaholic. He was a prison guard. As you may assume at this moment I did not have a very happy childhood. It was mostly full of fear when I was going to get picked up and thrown on the bed next and I dare not repeat what he had done to me but even to this day I am scared of my mother and father. It finally quit when I was 12 years of age when I finally got brave enough to pull my father's bluff down while I was in class one day. I will forever be grateful for my Friend Christina who went home and told her mother what I had said standing in the Recess Line. Thank you immensely, Christina F. You will forever be my heroine, Thank You {{{hugz}}}.

 I wept for my brother , my only brother who is going to be in prison for the next 20 years. I love him dearly but I also suffered tragic losses and I weep for them every single day. I miss my niece and two nephews dearly. Especially my brother's son. His half-aunt who adopted him has refused for him to have anything to do with me just because I am my brother's sister. I did not commit the crime  and believe me, I grieve every day. I miss not only them but I miss my brother, he will never be the same again. I can only pray that he will continue on the positive path he has started on but I do pray that he will at least write me back. I love him and I miss him dearly. But he is living proof of what trying to Self-Medicate yourself  instead of reaching our to the help you can get can do. So I pray for all the family members of people like my brother. 

So if you are reading this and you just happen to live in Hutchinson, Kansas and so happen to know my parents H.E. Jones III and J. A. B. Jones please tell them I love them dearly and I want us to come full circle with "a circle that is unbroken". Tell them I said to drop their pride and to give me a call (509) 306*9696 please? That I have only love and forgiveness for both of them. As well as open arms. I understand that both of them are just hurting people and that they need help beyond themselves. The same goes for my Children A.B. Jones and C.A. Berg.

 Oh, how I long to just hold them in my arms again before I die. To be honest, I don't think I have much time left because of my health being in such poor shape, but I am trying to hold on as long as I can and I know that I will not die before God says it's time, but man is my body in a very bad way.

Please also pray that Child Support does not take our only vehicle since they now have got a lien against it. I truly need a lawyer but we cannot afford one and we need a new van so desperately as this one is on it's last wheel.

Well, I gotta run and try to get things cleaned up before the maintenance man comes to change out our shower head.


Until Next Time,
A desperate woman hanging on to her last fraying  thread and losing her hope, Karen

Mouse's Tax Day Giveaway...

Have you ever heard that the only two things certain in life is death and taxes??  Well I am hoping to brighten someones Tax Day with a cash giveaway.  I would LOVE for YOU to be part of it too.

Here are the details:

Giveaway will run from April 1st and end at Midnight on Tax Day!  It will be a cash giveaway and the winner will receive the prize through PayPal. The great part is EVEN if you are a sponsor blogger / shop owner you can still enter to win!!!

The amount of the giveaway will depend on the number of bloggers who participate in the giveaway.  Of course I'm hoping for a huge turnout of support which will make the amount larger and increase the traffic to all of our blogs.

Entry links are $5 a link or you can co-host for $15 and get 4 links....

1 - entry link $5
2 - entry link $10
3- entry link $15

OR co-host for $15 and get 4 links

Fill out this FORM to enter.

EARLY ENTRY

To really get things kicked off and moving in the right direction to have a BIG jackpot for one lucky winner if you sign up EARLY to be part of the giveaway as a co-host you will get FIVE links for $15. But hurry that ends at midnight on January 31st.

Deadline to be part of the giveaway is March 21, 2014.

There is also a $20 cash giveaway for the person who refers the most bloggers/ store owners to be part of the giveaway.  All you have to do to qualify is when someone signs up they put your name down as the person who referred them.  If you would like to post this announcement on your blog you can copy and paste the HTML code HERE.

To help boost the amount of the giveaway I am adding in $50 to get it started...plus there have already been a couple sign ups so this is sure to generate TONS of traffic for your site!!

Let's Give Wild Olive Some Love Ya'll

Hello Dear Friends,

While I was out tripping around in cyber space to fill my time tonight since I am in too much pain for anything else I stumbled across the absolute cutest blog I have ever seen! Her sweet name is Wild Olive and she loves to embroider and right now is holding a contest that is only on for one more day so ya better hurry.....Run do not walk over to her and give her some big Blogher wuvings......

http://wildolive.blogspot.com/2014/01/book-review-stitched-style-blog-tour.html

I am going to be moving up in the pain med level I will soon be on Morphine. Also have an appointment to see my doctor on the 27th as I have found a lump. So keep me in your prayers. Hence the reason I have not been online much, I have just simply been in too much pain.

But anyhoo, 'nuff about me until later when I find out something concrete.

I'm off to visit with Wild Olive some more so ......

Until Next Time,
Karen

No News is Good News Right?

Hello Friends,

     I still have not heard yeah or nay on me yet, but he thinks it may be benign but he does not want to say for certain until he has read my MRI's with and without contrast which will take place on Friday the 24th.

    I also have to have the Holter Monitor Test on the 22nd since my heart is deciding to do cartwheels in my chest when I lay down to sleep every night and I get really short on breath as well

     In other news, great news! Our Box Springs are on their way!!!!! Oh, May God Bless Ben's family sooooo much for helping us with this {{{{{BIG BEAR Hugz))) Thank You so very much :oD I cannot tell you just how much it will be easier for me to get in and out of bed and to get rid of that junked out queen sized mess will be a sweet blessing in disguise :o) I will finally be able to get into my chest of drawers and over to my bookshelves....Oh, How I have missed my books!

Speaking of which....Does anyone have any crafting books they would be willing to send me, please? 3inch 3 ring binder and sheet protectors? It would be for my printed out Crochet patterns.   Just email me if ya do :o) This is a year of learning new things and to do it scared anyway. Besides getting hyper organized. Once I get to being a professional blog I want to seriously start a Craft Swap each month. We would ask every to sign up with an email and then we would start by taking the email below ours and send them the craft supplies we were done with that way there would be no waste or storage problems for anyone and everyone could come up with one project out of the supplies they were sent and we would hold a Linky Party to show off that one craft :oD So tell me what you think, ya think ya might like to do that? If so, Let me hear ya leave a comment at the end of this post :o) I would like to call it: Major Mustard's Pickle.

     I have a super cute couple of projects in the works so hang on while I take pics of them so I can get them posted!  They are a complete secret until I post them. Mwahahahah!

     In Savings news, My health insurance has approved my Humira for the next year!!!!! Woohoo, yeah right, I know. I'm not too keen on having to give myself shots every other week for the rest of my life thanks to the good 'ol li' gene I inherited, most likely from my father so I pray that he gets himself genetically tested to find out for sure as this might very well be the reason for all the physical pain he has had. But I had better pull up my Big Girl pants and buck up.

     I know my parents were hurt and angered by my leaving the way I had, but it really was best for everyone in our family that I did so. So that  I could find out what had been cursing our family health for so long, now I know, I pray that they will forgive me and take me back again.  This is my fervent prayer every single night. I would love nothing more than to have them present at our Vow Renewal.   I do love them, but it was they who rejected me and not the other way around. I just pray that God will soften their hearts and give them a true reality of who Jesus really is.
     But now that I know this information I am able to pass it onto the authorities where my children and parents live and maybe even help them even though at the present moment they all hate my guts and never want to see me again, but truly I have only a deep mother's love for both of my children and I pray that they too will forgive me for just leaving to get the help I needed and that my parents never would have been able to afford. I have wept every birthday and holiday because I miss them so, but my mother is a very stubborn woman who needs emotional help as does my father. But I pray each day for God to Shine His face down upon them and to bless them richly. I just pray that one day they will all see the truth for what it is. That alot of my behavior was just a reaction to theirs.

  Anyhoo, enough of the sad story and that is not even half of it, but I have chosen to forgive them so I will not use their sins against them any longer. Just keep praying for a happier ending to my story please.

Until Next Time,
Karen

Doing It Scared + Possible Prayer Answered

Hello My Dear Friends,

I have to admit something...I am scared to death of my doctor's appointment tomorrow at 2 p.m. so if I may request something special just for myself tomorrow?

Exactly at 2 p.m. PST I want everyone who knows me or of me to say a prayer for me. There is a distinct possibility that I may have more than one form of cancer. Just thinking about it scares the daylights out of me but for the past month my physical pain has increased so much in my leg and foot bones. Hubby and doctor have been denying it all this time while I have been pleading for help. My doctor has finally believed me and referred me to the Bone Specialist I am seeing tomorrow. 

My Humira is to be covered by my insurance for up to one year, which is the answered prayer. At last notice they were fighting my pain patch so I still do not have it.  So pray that will get worked out as well,please.

I think our prayer is just about to be answered about getting  our box springs....thanks to family {{{GIANT Hugz}}}

I have determined this year to not let my fear keep me stuck in a rut so that is why I am going to start doing things even when afraid. 

Until Next Time,

Karen

Head on Over to Angel's Birthday Giveaway!

Angel's Birthday Giveaway

I'm Audi here!

Until Next Time,
Karen M. Roth