# 1 Enemy in all the World.....

Hello Dear Friends and Followers,

I had not intended for this message today but it needs to be let known so perhaps you will understand why I have been missing in action on here for so very long....

I wish this were not true but it is and I can feel it in my body .... But I serve a Mighty God who is more powerful than what I am about to share with you all...AMEN!

I would like to ask for prayer today. I just found out accidentally through a snippet of an email of my last Sacroiliac MRI report that was sent to the on call doctor news that I should have received on 1/2014 but did not. I have had one of 2 forms of Cancers since then and only just now found out. Giant Cell Tumor or Chondroblastoma. I am in a lot of pain today. 
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I may also have a Mycobacterium Avium Strain that I got from ingesting water from our water pipes. I had the water tested yesterday by the city water guy but he did not test the biofilm in the pipes like he should have. He said it would take a week to get the results back. But I live in a Rural community so they may not have the ability to do this. So who do I call next? The EPA?
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Plus, My SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is kicking into very high gear today. I have been closed out of my Therapy due to not having been able to attend my sessions since Jan. 2015 due to battling all this plus family issues, too.
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But God is Good all the time!!! But I will admit I am afraid as I sit here and watch all my dreams go down the toilet. Our Vow Renewal I have been working on for the last 4 years, the dream of taking my Crafting Blog to the Professional level, to finally own a home with a lovely cottage style garden and my own Craftroom, being able to go hiking again, the Restoration of my children and the rest of my family to me under Godly circumstances and my deepest desire to have another baby to raise since I was forced to give up my children thanks to my mother. I can almost feel for the person who stated it is all meaningless..... But I know better even if I cannot see it right now. God has a Plan for me, not to harm me but to prosper me... That was the locusts ate He himself will restore after a time....that my suffering is temporal.....
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My husband took off hiking today with the dog leaving me at home alone and he will not be back until after dark.
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So please keep me in your prayers please......Karen

Living My Dream This Year!!! Question for my Readers.

Hello,  My Friends (waves a Paw)

This is the year I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to run after my Dreams.

This Year : The word for the year is Bloom

I will OVERCOME:         1. Rejection by others in my life. 
                                 I will Focus on the True Friends that I do have and realize that I am already ACCEPTED as a Daughter of the KING!!!! God Loves Me as I am. I want to change because of His awesome Love for me. No other man has ever died for me before. That is true love when you choose to carry someone else's Cross, Burden, Bad Deeds. So ..."Even if my Healing never comes, God You Are Good!!"... My New favorite song by Kutless

                            2. FEAR of Being Abandoned
                             I have started an Art Journal                                                     to Process my Wounds and Scars and my Tears. And will be getting back into Services for myself to control my symptoms.
                           
                            3. FEAR of not being Good Enough
                            I have joined an Online Bible Study Over at                                         http://www.womenlivingwell.org. I am in the Chronic Illness Group. They are looking for some more Group Leaders. So come on over and join us!

4. Throwing in some Weight Loss & Exercises.

                                       I have joined up over at                                                                       http://www.Sparkpeople.com for encouragement in eating healthier and beginning Exercises for the those with Limited Mobility. We can still Exercise ya'll! Plus, cutting down on my pop!

                    5. I am to become more Organized & Productive.
                          I have officially ordered the This is my Life                                      Planners over at http://avirtuouswoman.org/. I LOVE IT!!!

                     6.  I AM Seeing myself as Beautiful inspite of my                                 Pain. I am trading my Ashes for the Beauty of the                             Lord. I am choosing to just ....Bloom without competing with the flower next to me. (This is a partial Quote I found on Pinterest today). I am Accepting Me as I am. I am more than the sum of my broken pieces and I will share my full story on my new About page as I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ and my Life is my Testimony of what God can do if You just let Him work in your life. 

                  7. Starting on Living My Dream of writing a book teaching those who are dealing with Abandonment Issues how to live without Fear of Rejection which is the beginning of Abandonment and how to Live Life with Abandon! I am so pumped about this ya'll. So please keep this in your prayers, please, I want it to become a reality. I will need to raise the money somehow, but I am trusting for God to provide the $2,999 I need to get my book where I want it to be. I took a huge leap of Faith already, I have been in contact with the Publisher I want to use. I will be calling the lady tomorrow. Kind of really nervous so pray that it goes well! {{{hugz}}}}

Ok, Ya'll got a Question for you what do you think of this hairstyle for my Vow Renewal?

This is my Favorite Thing Today!

Moment of Silence, Please......Ode to Pa Bear

On October 23rd I lost my dear sweet Pa Bear ( a.k.a. Don Roth).

He was the one who walked me down the aisle when I married his youngest son, Ben.

Christmas will never be the same.....

Ode to Pa Bear (Bear-Bear)

He was gentle, loving, and oh so kind,
how we each ache being left behind.
But we strive to imitate your softest answer in love,
as you gently whisper from above.
With the softest of breeze,
My heart frees,
remembering a lesson as sweet as a dove.
How you silently show others your love for them.........
In actions, thoughts and deeds.

Please Keep Me in Your Prayers and Thoughts.......

Hello Friends,

I have a very good reason for having been only on Pinterest and not blogging every day like I wish I could be doing. Reality has knocked me down and is keeping me down for now.

The 22nd I had my first meeting with my Cardiologist at Virginia Mason Hospital in Seattle. He immediately ordered the Doppler Echocardiogram. This test informed me that 3 of my heart valves are Regurgitating blood, That my Left Atrium is Enlarged. I was also diagnosed with Grade 1 Left Ventricular Diastolic Dysfunction. Which means that I have Congestive Heart Failure (CHF). Just click on the link and it will take you to Mayo Clinic's definition.

 He also wanted me to wear the ZIOxt heart monitor for 14 days, but after four days it was very apparent that my Adhesive Allergy was not going to let me as I broke out with a blistering rash under the monitor and tape. I am on a Steroid cream for it.

I have become a very Depressed woman as I want to do, but I cannot do and I am pelted with my Vow Renewal Dreams. It means so much to me.

So please add me to any Prayer Chains going,

I know that Prayer Changes things and I may need a Miracle sooner than was thought.

Thanks for your Friendship and Love.

The "Real" Me Getting Very Real with My Followers.....

The Real Me Karen M. Roth at Christmas 2013

I have included this picture of myself as I am finding out because I am a bit too informational and detailed about my life people do not take me for Real. It is because of such an attitude from my online followers, friends {and otherwise} and the people in my RL being too Busy and too stressed to have time for me and because of the lack of affection and love from my own husband  that on April 4, 2014 I almost was no more.

 I felt so rejected, unloved, and unwanted {not including the fact I wanted to see my father before he dies and to see my brother who I am have not seen since 2007} that I tried to kill myself.

All because no one truly is interested in my Life's journey, the pain, suffering, the major losses in my life....My Story,  yet I listen to other peoples stories completely before I form an opinion of them.

I am only telling you now just so you will know what has happened to me all this time.

I do have happier Craft related posts to make, but right now my health has taken a serious toll on me and I am so weakened that I can barely make it from my bedroom to my desk. Plus, prepping for my Colonoscopy. Which is the 30th.

The Special Adrenal Gland Scan just revealed a Benign Fatty Tumor on my left Adrenal Gland which still is not telling them what is truly wrong with me. Other than a possibility of it being Cushing's Syndrome or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) but the Gyn is not convinced that PCOS is the problem. I am scheduled for removal of the Mirena to see if that will fix my problems.

I just know that I am feeling weaker by the day and I have the most awful feeling in my lower legs and feet that never stops. My vision has been adversely affected. I am now also using Fentanyl patches and my pain is still above that.

Well, that is it for now

Until Next Time,
Karen

P.S. Does anyone even care about me at all?

When Life Rains Down Persimmons.

Hey there Y'all! *waves and {{{hugz}}}*

So how to decide what to do when Life rains Down Persimmons....

Well, My Friends , You have one of 2 choices.....

Choice # 1 Milk it---> You can curl up in a ball ,weep, and isolate yourself from people period and let your health continue to get worse and worse because life has never been fair to you.

OR

Choice # 2 Juice it ----> You can buck up and put on your big kids undies, lose the Binky, the Blanky and lay all the garbage going on in your life at the precious feet of Jesus and His redeeming work on the Cross and pick up a much lighter burden of just resting in the Peace of God knowing that no matter what evil has befallen you  ( Every person has had one at one time or another in their life) that we have the (to quote my favorite song by @Chris Tomlin +) "King of Angel Armies by my side...I know who goes before and I know who goes behind....He is a Friend of mine" Just to quote my favorite parts of my all time Get-out-of-the-Funky-Pit song!  (Whom Shall I Fear (God of Angel Armies)  from the Burning Lights CD). Thank you so much +Chris Tomlin The Christian Music Artist, +1 Fan here in lil Ol Ellensburg WA!

 While you may have more of an burden than the person beside you, but know something to now quote @Joel and Victoria Osteen +lakewood church , "Hurting people hurt people." ( This was such an invaluable lesson for me to learn myself ,  I thank you, Joel,  for your wonderful Insight and for just being Real {{{hugz}}} to you and your lovely wife Victoria! AND Your wonderful Mama!) 

So,  Peeps, before you get mad and take offense at people for dumping on you when you already have more than your share of wounds and hurts please take a moment to remember:

1. Every person has a Story to tell about their own Journey through this thing we call "Life".

2. The person hurting you is hurting themselves and are in need of help as well.

3. That not every person on the Earth is going to like you no matter how you may sacrifice and change for this person.  

Start looking for the Lesson (s) to be learned in amongst your pain, suffering, and sorrow and believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that God truly means only good for you...that while He may not remove you from your situation He can bring the whole thing about for your good and in the process blessing you doubly. God will replenish all the years that the Locusts have eaten. You may have to wait quite a while for it but know this IT WILL HAPPEN!!!!

I do not know which choice you will choose to make,  but I can assure you that I choose to JUICE IT!!!!

I choose to LIVE Abundantly and FREE. Life is Glorious and Beautiful when you clean off the Windshield of all the bug guts!

So until next time,

Karen

P.S. If ya would like to say a prayer for me,  these are the things:

1. Health for both the hubby and myself. Multiple major things going on all at once.

2.a comfortable mini-van (CV joints are getting ready to break and the van is too old to repair but we seriously do not have the money to replace the things we need to replace.

3. A bed-  our Box Springs are broken. 

Time to Face the Facts, Ma'am...Let's Get Real!

Flat Belly Diet Recipes - Prevention.com This is a week's worth of healthy dishes and a shopping list for MUFA"S. It's like a Mediterranean Diet.

I am getting serious about getting serious about losing weight in a healthy way to also reduce my high Triglycerides. 255 is just too high. But I also want to make sure that it does not trigger my food allergies and Migraines so it may be trial and error for a while but I am praying that my hubby will jump on this boat with me.

At least my hubby is lucky in one aspect, he can still exercise by going hiking whereas I am not able to do so as I can barely even walk.

So say a prayer and wish me luck!

See what I mean?

Hey, it was windy what can I say, lol :o)

Ok, Folks, It's time to Get Real.....

For only being 5 foot 3.25 inches tall I do weigh way, way too much. I weigh in at sopping wet 155 pounds. I should be at 120 pounds, but I think 110 would be better for my Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Undifferentiated Spondyloarthrophy, Asthma, COPD.

The changes will start as soon as I get over this stupid Salmonella H. Bug....I do not in any way shape or form wish this on even my worst enemy. 

I am already walking twice a day.  Gonna start back on my strength exercises to try to get my Core Muscles back since I have lost them all due to being in so much physical pain. It will be an all uphill battle but I have something that is pushing me forward....My Vow Renewal.

 I love my husband Ben ever so much more than even he realizes. I see him in a way that noone ever has, I do not see him as he is but what his true potential is.  His family had pretty much left him to himself instead of dealing with the fact that he is Developmentally Challenged. They treated him like he was always "Normal" which was the worst thing they ever could have done. I do give props to his sister Ruthi as she has spent a lot of time trying to make up for the way they treated him when he was younger. Yes, he requires special care.  He does require a lot more patience, more compassionate love, more understanding that sometimes things just do not click correctly in his mind,  but let me iterate,  that this does in no way make him stupid, unintelligent, or a troublemaker throwing a temper tantrum in any way. He is super intelligent but he has Social Anxiety that blocks his path. If you put too much pressure on him he will have a complete Mental Meltdown...So I have learned that it is best to just say what I want to say to him and then just keep quiet and just let him process what I had just said. Sometimes it takes longer for him to understand than others. Then I let him come to me when he is ready.  I have learned that if you let him take things at his pace, life is much more enjoyable for both of us. 

But I am not without my own faults, I suffer from Abandonment issues from my own childhood, PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks and to boot a major bad Anger Management issue. Plus, living with the poor choices I made in regards to both of my beautiful Children Brianna and Cody for which I am truly regretful, but I cannot change my past I can only acknowledge it and learn the lessons to be learned , ask for Forgiveness and to accept the wonderful mercy of God and move in a Forward Fashion. But I do truly pray for them daily and ask for Restoration of our relationships when they are both ready. I love you both more then you will ever realize. Will you please take the Higher Road and Forgive me?

 But first,  I just want to say that I am so very Proud of you Brianna, You are Strong, Smart, Creative, Precious and Beautiful. Cody, I am so very proud of you, as You are Sincere, Handsome, Brave, Precious. I still retain all my Precious Memories of our good times. I ask that you forgive me for all the hurt I out you through when I thought that sincerely I was preserving your lives. But the one person I had trusted had let us all down because they refused to get the help that they needed. I will not mention this person's name as I am still praying for them to accept the Medical and Mental help that they need. But in everything, I have chosen to forgive and release all the burden's that came from Guilt, Shame,Hurt,Wanting Vengeance for being used, abused, and tossed into the garbage heap. For being unwanted ....

  But I just want to say that God has been very gracious to all of  those involved in our lives and know that we are "Growing Slowly Wise". Thanks to dear Mr. David Roper I have been realizing alot of my own errors in the way I was handling things.  I now realize that everything I say, think or do boils down to this, Which Choice Will I make? I can choose to take the low road and be miserable for the rest of my life or I can choose the higher road that in the end benefits everyone in my life. So from now on I choose the latter. { NOTE***** I will willingly freely Sponsor this author and publishing company Discovery House.*****} All I can say is if you slowly read and chew on just the facts not your imaginations you will definitely learn alot and have a strong season of Growth.

I pray that you and yours have a marvelous week  and I choose to Bless and not Curse. This is not something done lightly. It has taken much thought, tears, and woundedness and acceptance of self as I am to come to this point. 

But like the Butterfly, I am in my Season of Growth and,  yes,  it may hurt for a time, but it is only temporary as you look at Eternity with The One who has Redeemed me from the pit of Eternal Death. Thank You Jesus for Loving even me.....

Until Next Time,

Karen