I am Scared .....Need Urgent Prayers

Side view of spine

I am sorry for my blogging absence as of the last few months even though I try top keep up with Pinterest which thankfully also gets FB and Twitter at the same time.

I am a Survivor of many abuses and to this day I am struggling with Complex PTSD and now I am having issues getting my psych medicines I need due to a miscommunication of my primary doctor to my medication manager at mental health. These abuses have taken a serious toll on my body, emotions and mind and yes, my spirit as well. I have had a really hard time letting go of my Past and it has been destroying me and now just when I make to decision to finally let it go .......Bads things happen all at once......
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 I am battling with a Sinus Infection I have had since September 2015 and no one wants to give me the long term antibiotic I need. My insurance denied the Sinus Cat Scan that was ordered by another doctor I saw December 29, 2015 while my primary was gone on vacation due to me not having been on long term antibiotics. Now I have an bacterial infection in my left breast and also in my intestines.
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I have a Bone Tumor (Enchondroma) in my left leg that is still waiting (after already waiting for a year and a half) on the follow-up MRI to see if it is growing. If it is growing, it means Bone cancer. I do have a painful bump and a extremely tender tendon or ligament. I am praying that it is the Psoriatic Arthritis, if it has to be anything.
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  I also have a severe case of Lordosis (Sway Back) in my lower spine and untreated Psoriatic Arthritis, with two other kinds of Arthritis( Spondylosis, Spondylitis) in my Spine along with Degenerative Disc Disease which is extremely painful especially with weather changes. I cannot take narcotic pain meds due to my Fibromyalgia nor use pain patches due to an adhesive allergy. This presents a huge problem when it comes to relieving my pain.
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 I am going to be tested for also Breast Cancer and Uterine Cancer.
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 I will be honest I am very scared. I am not ready to die yet. I still have Dreams but I am mostly worried about my husband and our Pepper. I have already been in such high intense pain in the past two years that just thought of more pain is too much.
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But I am also trying to trust that God does not allow pain without a purpose.That God still has a good plan for me.
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So I would like to ask for everyone who passes through here and sees my post to pray for me please.

Until I know more,
Karen

P.S. ***UPDATE*** Received Psych medicines,  but still no antibiotic as my primary doctor REALLY wanted the Sinus Cat Scan so it would prove that I do not need the antibiotic which is pure bs!!! I have needed it since the very beginning.  But she did authorize more Mucinex for me. So keep praying ya'll!

Needing Prayers For Healing....

Hi there Everyone,

 So sorry I have not been online much in the last week or so but I have been REALLY sick with a combination of Virus/Allergies/ and a Severe Sinus Infection for which I still have not been treated for as I am technically in between doctors as the new doctor has not yet received my Medical Records even though I filed the Release over a week ago with my current Temporary Doctor's Office since my Family Doctor has sadly retired.

On top of THAT, I have Tendonitis in my right elbow so bad it was swollen way up! Every time I tried to use my left arm I ended up with Tendonitis in my wrist and hand and it went up my forearm.

ON Top of That, I have just been diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis, which includes Spondylitis (Which essentially means that I have arthritis and inflammation in my spinal bones. ) and Facial or Scalp Psoriasis which at this point it is mild, but the arthritis hurts like I cannot even begin to describe.

If you want to learn more about Psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis then check out the  National Psoriasis Foundation Website for lots of helpful information.

At this point, until I can get rid of the infection I cannot have my colonoscopy done which I need badly to determine what I have been so ill with since September 18,2014 and still having issues with. My Rheumatologist is putting me on Methotrexate and Folic Acid, but until I find out if I need antibiotics I cannot take the Methotrexate.

To be honest I am scared as heck to even start the Methotrexate, especially since one of the side effects is possibly losing your hair and I have been growing my hair out long especially for our Vow Renewal that we have been planning and working on for four years now. I know that it is just hair and that my life is more important, it is just that Our Vow Renewal has been so long in the planning  stage and I keep getting sicker and sicker. I am so scared that it will not happen.....

So I am asking for your prayers as I know that Prayer can accomplish great Miracles and I need one now......

Living My Dream This Year!!! Question for my Readers.

Hello,  My Friends (waves a Paw)

This is the year I have decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and to run after my Dreams.

This Year : The word for the year is Bloom

I will OVERCOME:         1. Rejection by others in my life. 
                                 I will Focus on the True Friends that I do have and realize that I am already ACCEPTED as a Daughter of the KING!!!! God Loves Me as I am. I want to change because of His awesome Love for me. No other man has ever died for me before. That is true love when you choose to carry someone else's Cross, Burden, Bad Deeds. So ..."Even if my Healing never comes, God You Are Good!!"... My New favorite song by Kutless

                            2. FEAR of Being Abandoned
                             I have started an Art Journal                                                     to Process my Wounds and Scars and my Tears. And will be getting back into Services for myself to control my symptoms.
                           
                            3. FEAR of not being Good Enough
                            I have joined an Online Bible Study Over at                                         http://www.womenlivingwell.org. I am in the Chronic Illness Group. They are looking for some more Group Leaders. So come on over and join us!

4. Throwing in some Weight Loss & Exercises.

                                       I have joined up over at                                                                       http://www.Sparkpeople.com for encouragement in eating healthier and beginning Exercises for the those with Limited Mobility. We can still Exercise ya'll! Plus, cutting down on my pop!

                    5. I am to become more Organized & Productive.
                          I have officially ordered the This is my Life                                      Planners over at http://avirtuouswoman.org/. I LOVE IT!!!

                     6.  I AM Seeing myself as Beautiful inspite of my                                 Pain. I am trading my Ashes for the Beauty of the                             Lord. I am choosing to just ....Bloom without competing with the flower next to me. (This is a partial Quote I found on Pinterest today). I am Accepting Me as I am. I am more than the sum of my broken pieces and I will share my full story on my new About page as I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ and my Life is my Testimony of what God can do if You just let Him work in your life. 

                  7. Starting on Living My Dream of writing a book teaching those who are dealing with Abandonment Issues how to live without Fear of Rejection which is the beginning of Abandonment and how to Live Life with Abandon! I am so pumped about this ya'll. So please keep this in your prayers, please, I want it to become a reality. I will need to raise the money somehow, but I am trusting for God to provide the $2,999 I need to get my book where I want it to be. I took a huge leap of Faith already, I have been in contact with the Publisher I want to use. I will be calling the lady tomorrow. Kind of really nervous so pray that it goes well! {{{hugz}}}}

Ok, Ya'll got a Question for you what do you think of this hairstyle for my Vow Renewal?

This is my Favorite Thing Today!

Update on Karen....

Hello My Friends,

August 22nd I had a Ischemic Stroke and then again on September 4th I had another one in the MRI machine. They kept me in the hospital for only 2 days then released me.

I saw my regular doctor yesterday and she is not too sure they were strokes but thinks it may have been Migraine related so she gave me a Referral to see a Neurologist. May have been Birth control pill related.

I stayed at home nursing what I 'thought' was a Severe Earache from the 22nd of August until my Cardiologist receptionist made me call 911 on September 3rd. Very foolish move!

So far all my heart tests have been negative except for an Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia and High Blood Pressure.

So please pray that the doctors can figure it all out so we can prevent it in the future.

I am so very weak and extremely fatigued. Been sleeping alot.

That is all I know for now.

 I have an upcoming appointment with my Cardiologist.

They really want me to get back into Counseling again. So I have to make that appointment as well.

So far I have lost half of my smile and I have permanent Left Sided Weakness with my left hand being really fumbly. Lucky for me that I am Right Handed so that means I can still crochet!!!! But I am still alive, Praise God! The Lord is good and loving.

The Lord is guiding me through this dark valley one baby step at a time.

Please Keep Me in Your Prayers and Thoughts.......

Hello Friends,

I have a very good reason for having been only on Pinterest and not blogging every day like I wish I could be doing. Reality has knocked me down and is keeping me down for now.

The 22nd I had my first meeting with my Cardiologist at Virginia Mason Hospital in Seattle. He immediately ordered the Doppler Echocardiogram. This test informed me that 3 of my heart valves are Regurgitating blood, That my Left Atrium is Enlarged. I was also diagnosed with Grade 1 Left Ventricular Diastolic Dysfunction. Which means that I have Congestive Heart Failure (CHF). Just click on the link and it will take you to Mayo Clinic's definition.

 He also wanted me to wear the ZIOxt heart monitor for 14 days, but after four days it was very apparent that my Adhesive Allergy was not going to let me as I broke out with a blistering rash under the monitor and tape. I am on a Steroid cream for it.

I have become a very Depressed woman as I want to do, but I cannot do and I am pelted with my Vow Renewal Dreams. It means so much to me.

So please add me to any Prayer Chains going,

I know that Prayer Changes things and I may need a Miracle sooner than was thought.

Thanks for your Friendship and Love.

Long Time No See And I Can Really Use Your Prayers

Hello Dear Friends,

It has been one heck of a week for me.

First, it started off with me going to visit my Endocrinologist at +Virginia Mason  for my Thyroid, She promptly sent me straight over to ER as my Blood Pressure was 140/99 and my pulse was 129. Even after giving me 2 liters of fluids which normally affects the heart rate, it did nothing to mine and they could not get it to go below 111. So they released me back home to go see my regular doctor which I did the very next day who promptly diagnosed me with Sinus Tachycardia and an Enlarged heart.  It also appears it may all be because my COPD is getting worse.

 I am on doctor's orders to just rest and to avoid any and all kinds of stress at all cost. So I had to tell this to my boss ( the author) so please pray that he is very kind about it and actually lets me rest. It will be hard for him as we are truly down to the very last chapter of his book.

To be honest, I am downright scared of my future even though I know I should not be as a Christian but I am. I finally talked to a Friend from Church last night  about it. I just wish I could talk to my hubby about it but he keeps taking off to go hiking with the dog and leaving me alone for hours. I think and my friend thinks that it is because he cannot handle what is going on with my health and that he might be truly frightened but not knowing what to do about it. That coupled with his having a Mid-life Crises.

That is where it stands for now.

I will post more as I am able to do so.

Until Next Time,

Love,
Karen

The "Real" Me Getting Very Real with My Followers.....

The Real Me Karen M. Roth at Christmas 2013

I have included this picture of myself as I am finding out because I am a bit too informational and detailed about my life people do not take me for Real. It is because of such an attitude from my online followers, friends {and otherwise} and the people in my RL being too Busy and too stressed to have time for me and because of the lack of affection and love from my own husband  that on April 4, 2014 I almost was no more.

 I felt so rejected, unloved, and unwanted {not including the fact I wanted to see my father before he dies and to see my brother who I am have not seen since 2007} that I tried to kill myself.

All because no one truly is interested in my Life's journey, the pain, suffering, the major losses in my life....My Story,  yet I listen to other peoples stories completely before I form an opinion of them.

I am only telling you now just so you will know what has happened to me all this time.

I do have happier Craft related posts to make, but right now my health has taken a serious toll on me and I am so weakened that I can barely make it from my bedroom to my desk. Plus, prepping for my Colonoscopy. Which is the 30th.

The Special Adrenal Gland Scan just revealed a Benign Fatty Tumor on my left Adrenal Gland which still is not telling them what is truly wrong with me. Other than a possibility of it being Cushing's Syndrome or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) but the Gyn is not convinced that PCOS is the problem. I am scheduled for removal of the Mirena to see if that will fix my problems.

I just know that I am feeling weaker by the day and I have the most awful feeling in my lower legs and feet that never stops. My vision has been adversely affected. I am now also using Fentanyl patches and my pain is still above that.

Well, that is it for now

Until Next Time,
Karen

P.S. Does anyone even care about me at all?

Doing It Scared + Possible Prayer Answered

Hello My Dear Friends,

I have to admit something...I am scared to death of my doctor's appointment tomorrow at 2 p.m. so if I may request something special just for myself tomorrow?

Exactly at 2 p.m. PST I want everyone who knows me or of me to say a prayer for me. There is a distinct possibility that I may have more than one form of cancer. Just thinking about it scares the daylights out of me but for the past month my physical pain has increased so much in my leg and foot bones. Hubby and doctor have been denying it all this time while I have been pleading for help. My doctor has finally believed me and referred me to the Bone Specialist I am seeing tomorrow. 

My Humira is to be covered by my insurance for up to one year, which is the answered prayer. At last notice they were fighting my pain patch so I still do not have it.  So pray that will get worked out as well,please.

I think our prayer is just about to be answered about getting  our box springs....thanks to family {{{GIANT Hugz}}}

I have determined this year to not let my fear keep me stuck in a rut so that is why I am going to start doing things even when afraid. 

Until Next Time,

Karen

Time to Face the Facts, Ma'am...Let's Get Real!

Flat Belly Diet Recipes - Prevention.com This is a week's worth of healthy dishes and a shopping list for MUFA"S. It's like a Mediterranean Diet.

I am getting serious about getting serious about losing weight in a healthy way to also reduce my high Triglycerides. 255 is just too high. But I also want to make sure that it does not trigger my food allergies and Migraines so it may be trial and error for a while but I am praying that my hubby will jump on this boat with me.

At least my hubby is lucky in one aspect, he can still exercise by going hiking whereas I am not able to do so as I can barely even walk.

So say a prayer and wish me luck!

See what I mean?

Hey, it was windy what can I say, lol :o)

Ok, Folks, It's time to Get Real.....

For only being 5 foot 3.25 inches tall I do weigh way, way too much. I weigh in at sopping wet 155 pounds. I should be at 120 pounds, but I think 110 would be better for my Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Undifferentiated Spondyloarthrophy, Asthma, COPD.

The changes will start as soon as I get over this stupid Salmonella H. Bug....I do not in any way shape or form wish this on even my worst enemy. 

I am already walking twice a day.  Gonna start back on my strength exercises to try to get my Core Muscles back since I have lost them all due to being in so much physical pain. It will be an all uphill battle but I have something that is pushing me forward....My Vow Renewal.

 I love my husband Ben ever so much more than even he realizes. I see him in a way that noone ever has, I do not see him as he is but what his true potential is.  His family had pretty much left him to himself instead of dealing with the fact that he is Developmentally Challenged. They treated him like he was always "Normal" which was the worst thing they ever could have done. I do give props to his sister Ruthi as she has spent a lot of time trying to make up for the way they treated him when he was younger. Yes, he requires special care.  He does require a lot more patience, more compassionate love, more understanding that sometimes things just do not click correctly in his mind,  but let me iterate,  that this does in no way make him stupid, unintelligent, or a troublemaker throwing a temper tantrum in any way. He is super intelligent but he has Social Anxiety that blocks his path. If you put too much pressure on him he will have a complete Mental Meltdown...So I have learned that it is best to just say what I want to say to him and then just keep quiet and just let him process what I had just said. Sometimes it takes longer for him to understand than others. Then I let him come to me when he is ready.  I have learned that if you let him take things at his pace, life is much more enjoyable for both of us. 

But I am not without my own faults, I suffer from Abandonment issues from my own childhood, PTSD, Anxiety, Panic Attacks and to boot a major bad Anger Management issue. Plus, living with the poor choices I made in regards to both of my beautiful Children Brianna and Cody for which I am truly regretful, but I cannot change my past I can only acknowledge it and learn the lessons to be learned , ask for Forgiveness and to accept the wonderful mercy of God and move in a Forward Fashion. But I do truly pray for them daily and ask for Restoration of our relationships when they are both ready. I love you both more then you will ever realize. Will you please take the Higher Road and Forgive me?

 But first,  I just want to say that I am so very Proud of you Brianna, You are Strong, Smart, Creative, Precious and Beautiful. Cody, I am so very proud of you, as You are Sincere, Handsome, Brave, Precious. I still retain all my Precious Memories of our good times. I ask that you forgive me for all the hurt I out you through when I thought that sincerely I was preserving your lives. But the one person I had trusted had let us all down because they refused to get the help that they needed. I will not mention this person's name as I am still praying for them to accept the Medical and Mental help that they need. But in everything, I have chosen to forgive and release all the burden's that came from Guilt, Shame,Hurt,Wanting Vengeance for being used, abused, and tossed into the garbage heap. For being unwanted ....

  But I just want to say that God has been very gracious to all of  those involved in our lives and know that we are "Growing Slowly Wise". Thanks to dear Mr. David Roper I have been realizing alot of my own errors in the way I was handling things.  I now realize that everything I say, think or do boils down to this, Which Choice Will I make? I can choose to take the low road and be miserable for the rest of my life or I can choose the higher road that in the end benefits everyone in my life. So from now on I choose the latter. { NOTE***** I will willingly freely Sponsor this author and publishing company Discovery House.*****} All I can say is if you slowly read and chew on just the facts not your imaginations you will definitely learn alot and have a strong season of Growth.

I pray that you and yours have a marvelous week  and I choose to Bless and not Curse. This is not something done lightly. It has taken much thought, tears, and woundedness and acceptance of self as I am to come to this point. 

But like the Butterfly, I am in my Season of Growth and,  yes,  it may hurt for a time, but it is only temporary as you look at Eternity with The One who has Redeemed me from the pit of Eternal Death. Thank You Jesus for Loving even me.....

Until Next Time,

Karen