Less is More... More of Less of Me.

Getting Real:

They are doing an ultrasound on my Gall bladder as it is failing. Checking my heart as it has slowed too much. They still have not figured out the reason for my dizziness that is so severe that I am not even able to walk..  My Potassium level is too low 2.5 and the doctor cannot figure out why it keeps dropping so low or what is even causing it.

My Doctor told me and my husband that I will never ever be able to work again period. But yet I am still trying to do what I am able to do to help myself out.

Positivity is getting me or you nowhere. I am dying,  there is no light way to put it. My father is dying and my mother is in very ill health herself and unable to care for my father. I just wanted to spend some time with my family before I do die.

I tried being open and honest about my dire situation, but it seems to have backfired on me instead and now I am being looked upon as a fake and a scam artist. Which could not be farther from the truth.

I am about to the point of just giving up on living,  period,  just because the people around me and in my life are so shortsighted that they cannot see past their own noses to see another's suffering and pain,  and to be a stepping block instead of a stumbling block. I have been hindered enough. I just need help.

When did the world grow so selfish and uncaring about their neighbors?  Their  friends, their loved ones?

What happened to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Is that not the only command that Jesus Christ himself gave to us?  Why is it so hard for people to just love on people? Folks,  keep your eyes on Jesus as Jesus is the true form of what Love truly is. Often times it just boils down to a choice, your choice.

 So who are you going to let win in this battle of mine, Satan or God?  Do you not want to be known as the warrior who helped me out when I was completely down on my luck and getting sand kicked in my eyes?

 I know the answer and it is because hurting people hurt others.  I am just tired of being hurt because people are too afraid to trust. When you are too afraid to trust it is because you do not realize just how awesome your God is.

 I know that God will get me there regardless of how He does it. It is just that I thought that maybe my family and friends loved me enough to want to be part of the God-sized plan to get me back home.

Please Help My New Friend.....Organized Chaos

Come on, Ya'll please give my new friend a hand up on her Cash Giveaway!

#cashgiveaway #bloggeropp Sign up now with @ShanaMom2 and don't miss this amazing blogger opportunity!
— Karen Roth (@ffpaws) February 13, 2014

Betcha Cannot Guess.....

Betcha Cannot guess what I am in the process of doing?

Are ya guessing yet :o)

Cleaning my house...... trying to

Doing my nails...... bought two new colors :o)

Organizing my embroidery floss...... Already done.....

Finally posting a blog post? Well, sort of :o)

Have I made ya crazy yet? O.0 

Well, what do you guess I am going to do next?

***Here's my Poll***

1. Getting a new hairdo

2. Losing weight

3. Organizing my crafts

4. Being More Positive with my outlook on things happening to me.

5. Going back to school for Graphics Design 

6. Buying myself a new purse and wallet in a happier color 

7.  Biting the bullet and starting to give myself my Humira Injections every other week for the rest of my life in a very relaxed peaceful setting with my favorite music playing. 

8. Beading a butterfly necklace for myself, Of course ^.^

9. Making a Shabby Chic Christmas Tree Skirt 

10. Eat my favorite comfort food Kraft Mac~n~cheese with hamburger and peas

I bet you one of a kind handmade notebook if you can guess which of these I am for certain going to do or may have done already ^.^

Leave your guesses in the comments below, please :o)

On to Happy Thoughts....

Hello Friends,

I am trying to help myself think more positive, but for me it is so hard to do on my own so I have joined Happify. Will ya'll join me over there and become my real time friends? I could really use it now. I could really use encouragement. Maybe some happy colored notebooks or altered journals with a written notes by you  in them on the first page?

If you want to participate in my Happifying journey and giving me some real time encouragement just email me at Karen Roth Contact me, please and I will email you my address so ya'll can write me. I understand that many of ya'll live very busy lives, but can you please spare one moment to write to me?

Now on to something that makes my happiness factor go way up, I just wish I could have these things in real life,lol

Shabby Chicness

Roses and Teacups
There is nothing sweeter than a bunch of adorable teddies. 

Just a shout out to +roses-and-teacups you do amazing work :o) Love everything!

Speaking of which, rush your little selves over to my Blenpal, Angie Tower who is the most awesome gourd artist! I so want here Windsor blue purse, just my color and design, I have a crush + on it.

Regional Renown Gourd Artist, Angie Tower

Until Next Time,
Karen

What a couple of weeks....

Well, I am so sorry I have not been posting lately but I have had doctor appointment after appointment  and that is not even mentioning just how ill I have been as of late.

*Good News for now*

I went to see Dr. MacDonald on the 20th and he told me that my Enchondroma is Benign for now but he wants to keep an eye on it for the next 6 months to make sure there is no growth. So I go back in 6 months to get two more MRI's to see.

Meanwhile, I am having a Mammogram and an ultrasound due to a lump and a swelling I have on the right side just below my breast. It hurts like a dickens and I am having trouble getting comfy in bed now because of it. It seems to be right on the bottom rib. I have been so drained of energy, stamina, and pain has zapped all my physical strength. 

So ya'll, can I ask for ya'll to pray for me. We can really use it since I have run out of my Vitamin D3 and we cannot afford to get it being without it has left me with blind spots in my left eye and a horrid buzzing that started in my right foot and is slowly creeping up my legs each time I have to go without my D3 and I am out of my eye drops as well. Being without the D3 has left me terribly grumpy and I have been fighting with my husband but I think a big portion of my anger is stemming from my uncontrolled ADD.

 I broke down and wept today missing my family terribly  since they rejected me and took my daughter and son away from me when I was only trying to do the right thing. I wept for my children who I love so dearly even though they chose to listen to the lies my mother had told them.. I wept for missing my parents even though they have disowned me, because no matter how much they neglected my needs they are still my parents and I do love them dearly, it is just that they have taken their eyes off of Jesus and that they have never dealt with their own issues before having children. In fact, the day I was born my father was busy getting drunk at the GI Club on the base where I was born. My mother went through it all alone, yet she stayed with him for reasons I cannot assume. When he was home he was a workaholic. He was a prison guard. As you may assume at this moment I did not have a very happy childhood. It was mostly full of fear when I was going to get picked up and thrown on the bed next and I dare not repeat what he had done to me but even to this day I am scared of my mother and father. It finally quit when I was 12 years of age when I finally got brave enough to pull my father's bluff down while I was in class one day. I will forever be grateful for my Friend Christina who went home and told her mother what I had said standing in the Recess Line. Thank you immensely, Christina F. You will forever be my heroine, Thank You {{{hugz}}}.

 I wept for my brother , my only brother who is going to be in prison for the next 20 years. I love him dearly but I also suffered tragic losses and I weep for them every single day. I miss my niece and two nephews dearly. Especially my brother's son. His half-aunt who adopted him has refused for him to have anything to do with me just because I am my brother's sister. I did not commit the crime  and believe me, I grieve every day. I miss not only them but I miss my brother, he will never be the same again. I can only pray that he will continue on the positive path he has started on but I do pray that he will at least write me back. I love him and I miss him dearly. But he is living proof of what trying to Self-Medicate yourself  instead of reaching our to the help you can get can do. So I pray for all the family members of people like my brother. 

So if you are reading this and you just happen to live in Hutchinson, Kansas and so happen to know my parents H.E. Jones III and J. A. B. Jones please tell them I love them dearly and I want us to come full circle with "a circle that is unbroken". Tell them I said to drop their pride and to give me a call (509) 306*9696 please? That I have only love and forgiveness for both of them. As well as open arms. I understand that both of them are just hurting people and that they need help beyond themselves. The same goes for my Children A.B. Jones and C.A. Berg.

 Oh, how I long to just hold them in my arms again before I die. To be honest, I don't think I have much time left because of my health being in such poor shape, but I am trying to hold on as long as I can and I know that I will not die before God says it's time, but man is my body in a very bad way.

Please also pray that Child Support does not take our only vehicle since they now have got a lien against it. I truly need a lawyer but we cannot afford one and we need a new van so desperately as this one is on it's last wheel.

Well, I gotta run and try to get things cleaned up before the maintenance man comes to change out our shower head.


Until Next Time,
A desperate woman hanging on to her last fraying  thread and losing her hope, Karen

Let's Give Wild Olive Some Love Ya'll

Hello Dear Friends,

While I was out tripping around in cyber space to fill my time tonight since I am in too much pain for anything else I stumbled across the absolute cutest blog I have ever seen! Her sweet name is Wild Olive and she loves to embroider and right now is holding a contest that is only on for one more day so ya better hurry.....Run do not walk over to her and give her some big Blogher wuvings......

http://wildolive.blogspot.com/2014/01/book-review-stitched-style-blog-tour.html

I am going to be moving up in the pain med level I will soon be on Morphine. Also have an appointment to see my doctor on the 27th as I have found a lump. So keep me in your prayers. Hence the reason I have not been online much, I have just simply been in too much pain.

But anyhoo, 'nuff about me until later when I find out something concrete.

I'm off to visit with Wild Olive some more so ......

Until Next Time,
Karen

No News is Good News Right?

Hello Friends,

     I still have not heard yeah or nay on me yet, but he thinks it may be benign but he does not want to say for certain until he has read my MRI's with and without contrast which will take place on Friday the 24th.

    I also have to have the Holter Monitor Test on the 22nd since my heart is deciding to do cartwheels in my chest when I lay down to sleep every night and I get really short on breath as well

     In other news, great news! Our Box Springs are on their way!!!!! Oh, May God Bless Ben's family sooooo much for helping us with this {{{{{BIG BEAR Hugz))) Thank You so very much :oD I cannot tell you just how much it will be easier for me to get in and out of bed and to get rid of that junked out queen sized mess will be a sweet blessing in disguise :o) I will finally be able to get into my chest of drawers and over to my bookshelves....Oh, How I have missed my books!

Speaking of which....Does anyone have any crafting books they would be willing to send me, please? 3inch 3 ring binder and sheet protectors? It would be for my printed out Crochet patterns.   Just email me if ya do :o) This is a year of learning new things and to do it scared anyway. Besides getting hyper organized. Once I get to being a professional blog I want to seriously start a Craft Swap each month. We would ask every to sign up with an email and then we would start by taking the email below ours and send them the craft supplies we were done with that way there would be no waste or storage problems for anyone and everyone could come up with one project out of the supplies they were sent and we would hold a Linky Party to show off that one craft :oD So tell me what you think, ya think ya might like to do that? If so, Let me hear ya leave a comment at the end of this post :o) I would like to call it: Major Mustard's Pickle.

     I have a super cute couple of projects in the works so hang on while I take pics of them so I can get them posted!  They are a complete secret until I post them. Mwahahahah!

     In Savings news, My health insurance has approved my Humira for the next year!!!!! Woohoo, yeah right, I know. I'm not too keen on having to give myself shots every other week for the rest of my life thanks to the good 'ol li' gene I inherited, most likely from my father so I pray that he gets himself genetically tested to find out for sure as this might very well be the reason for all the physical pain he has had. But I had better pull up my Big Girl pants and buck up.

     I know my parents were hurt and angered by my leaving the way I had, but it really was best for everyone in our family that I did so. So that  I could find out what had been cursing our family health for so long, now I know, I pray that they will forgive me and take me back again.  This is my fervent prayer every single night. I would love nothing more than to have them present at our Vow Renewal.   I do love them, but it was they who rejected me and not the other way around. I just pray that God will soften their hearts and give them a true reality of who Jesus really is.
     But now that I know this information I am able to pass it onto the authorities where my children and parents live and maybe even help them even though at the present moment they all hate my guts and never want to see me again, but truly I have only a deep mother's love for both of my children and I pray that they too will forgive me for just leaving to get the help I needed and that my parents never would have been able to afford. I have wept every birthday and holiday because I miss them so, but my mother is a very stubborn woman who needs emotional help as does my father. But I pray each day for God to Shine His face down upon them and to bless them richly. I just pray that one day they will all see the truth for what it is. That alot of my behavior was just a reaction to theirs.

  Anyhoo, enough of the sad story and that is not even half of it, but I have chosen to forgive them so I will not use their sins against them any longer. Just keep praying for a happier ending to my story please.

Until Next Time,
Karen

Doing It Scared + Possible Prayer Answered

Hello My Dear Friends,

I have to admit something...I am scared to death of my doctor's appointment tomorrow at 2 p.m. so if I may request something special just for myself tomorrow?

Exactly at 2 p.m. PST I want everyone who knows me or of me to say a prayer for me. There is a distinct possibility that I may have more than one form of cancer. Just thinking about it scares the daylights out of me but for the past month my physical pain has increased so much in my leg and foot bones. Hubby and doctor have been denying it all this time while I have been pleading for help. My doctor has finally believed me and referred me to the Bone Specialist I am seeing tomorrow. 

My Humira is to be covered by my insurance for up to one year, which is the answered prayer. At last notice they were fighting my pain patch so I still do not have it.  So pray that will get worked out as well,please.

I think our prayer is just about to be answered about getting  our box springs....thanks to family {{{GIANT Hugz}}}

I have determined this year to not let my fear keep me stuck in a rut so that is why I am going to start doing things even when afraid. 

Until Next Time,

Karen

My Prayers and Yours Are slowly Being Answered......

Hey there, My Friends,

Just a quick post before the hubby takes over the bandwidth, lol

My Doctor called this morning and while she is not ready to put me on Fenatanyl (?sp.) patch, she is ready to bump me up to maybe the Lidocaine Patch provided that my new insurance will cover it. I have an appointment to discuss this with her the 17th. So pray really hard for me, please {{{hugz}}}

I have changed the look of my blog in hopes of looking a bit more professional until the someday I can afford to get my own setup.

I am also trying to talk our family into helping me get my glasses since my insurance will only pay for the eye exam.

I have finally broken down and ordered myself a nice set of  15 cubby hole unit for my crafts and it should be here the 17th as well. I am super stoked, I love to be organized! It improves so much including my emotional well-being.  I am setting my blog organization and time management up. I will be working on it some more.

Oh, how I long to be able to hold my own Giveaways.....It will come, just do not know when, but I will think of something even if at first it is nothing more than some of my own handmade greeting cards or maybe a needle book :o).

You guys and gals are the bestest! Love you all so much {{{hugz}}}

Well, I better get this posted so ....

Until Next Time,
Karen

P.S. Feel free to visit me at  My Pinterest Boards

Oh, My ! Crochet Love.....

It does not get any better than this ya'll.......

Without further ado......http://www.allfreecrochet.com/sweeps/Crochet-Love

Or How about.......http://www.allfreecrochet.com/sweeps/Crochet-Red-Jimmy-Beans-Wool-Yarn-Bouquet

OR......Maybe this one......http://www.allfreecrochet.com/sweeps/Lion-Brand-Hometown-USA?


Whaddya say, are ya game to get your game on?

Come on I dare ya to enter to win the chance to be the Champion! or Champette!

Well, whaddya still sitting here for? Go enter ya'll!

Booya!

Until Next Time,
Karen