# 1 Enemy in all the World.....

Hello Dear Friends and Followers,

I had not intended for this message today but it needs to be let known so perhaps you will understand why I have been missing in action on here for so very long....

I wish this were not true but it is and I can feel it in my body .... But I serve a Mighty God who is more powerful than what I am about to share with you all...AMEN!

I would like to ask for prayer today. I just found out accidentally through a snippet of an email of my last Sacroiliac MRI report that was sent to the on call doctor news that I should have received on 1/2014 but did not. I have had one of 2 forms of Cancers since then and only just now found out. Giant Cell Tumor or Chondroblastoma. I am in a lot of pain today. 
--

I may also have a Mycobacterium Avium Strain that I got from ingesting water from our water pipes. I had the water tested yesterday by the city water guy but he did not test the biofilm in the pipes like he should have. He said it would take a week to get the results back. But I live in a Rural community so they may not have the ability to do this. So who do I call next? The EPA?
--
Plus, My SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is kicking into very high gear today. I have been closed out of my Therapy due to not having been able to attend my sessions since Jan. 2015 due to battling all this plus family issues, too.
--
But God is Good all the time!!! But I will admit I am afraid as I sit here and watch all my dreams go down the toilet. Our Vow Renewal I have been working on for the last 4 years, the dream of taking my Crafting Blog to the Professional level, to finally own a home with a lovely cottage style garden and my own Craftroom, being able to go hiking again, the Restoration of my children and the rest of my family to me under Godly circumstances and my deepest desire to have another baby to raise since I was forced to give up my children thanks to my mother. I can almost feel for the person who stated it is all meaningless..... But I know better even if I cannot see it right now. God has a Plan for me, not to harm me but to prosper me... That was the locusts ate He himself will restore after a time....that my suffering is temporal.....
--
My husband took off hiking today with the dog leaving me at home alone and he will not be back until after dark.
--
So please keep me in your prayers please......Karen

La Marseillaise, French National Anthem (Fr/En)

La Marseillaise (FR/ENG) Long Version

My heart goes out to those in France. May God wrap His arms around each of those families who loss their loved ones and give you strength and comfort. ~ Love, Karen M. Roth Masquerading Crafter.

Still Healing and Coming to Terms with Things in My Life

Hello Masquerading Crafter Friends,

I will be the first one to admit that I am battling with Depression very heavily and this past year since my physical pain has been at the highest it has ever been before it has got me thinking thoughts I would rather not have.

So in that avenue of thought, I am reaching out to my Online Friends (since the ones I thought were my friends have abandoned me) for the Love, Encouragement, and the Support I truly need.

Is anyone really there for me and actually with me? I have reached out to many people only to be told they are too busy, I'm nuts and that I am too needy. That I "need to find Retired neighbors or Homebound people who maybe like me are crippled, too. Perhaps they would have time for me. That "working" people are just too busy and do not have the amount of time I seem to require".

Yes, it was said in a moment of stress, but it has implications and scars on my soul for the rest of my life. These remarks came from someone who I thought of as "Best Friends" so it really stung when I really  heard what they thought of me.  I wept so hard that I have blown my Pituitary Gland out.

I know that I am not that way, I just happened to be in Chronic pain and it takes more high quality items just to  ease my physical pain. Just for a few minutes of comfort that is all I am asking for. It is not my fault I was created this way. I try to go cheaper when I can, but in some areas I just cannot and my feet are one of those areas. My feet were messed up as a young child when I had to walk for fourteen miles a day in ill-fitting shoes because that was all my parents could afford. I was walking picking up dirty, foul-smelling beer cans to get enough money to feed my baby brother at the time. You tell me, Did that prove that I loved my brother? My Parents? So in your prayers tonight please ask God to give me a comfortable pair of shoes that will last more than three months. I walk so heavy I wear them out that quick.

I really want my Dream of taking this blog to the next level to come to pass, but in all honesty, with my pain getting worse I am not seeing that happening any time soon, if ever and I am just praying that it is not too late to follow this Dream.  I really want to create a happy positive fun place to be but it is so hard for me to actually be happy when I feel so Abandoned and Alone.

I have another Dream as well, one that has been haunting me for the past 24 years soon to be 25. July 27th and August 26th to be exact. I want my Daughter and Son back in my life. I never truly left them. My heart and thoughts were always and still are on and of them. I did the best thing I could do concerning the situation I was in at the time. I got the medical help and mental health help I needed, but it has come at a very high cost. It caused a great divide between me and my beloved children. I do not know how to overcome the lies my own mother fed them. I keep praying for their safety and for them to know Jesus. I am trying to hope that God will one day answer my prayer. This missing out on my Children's lives is killing me. I just pray that they can forgive me and learn to know the "real" me. The "me" that would give her life to protect her Children, but was not given the chance, I tried and the Social Services hung up on me mid-sentence. I have never gotten over that, it still haunts I had tried so hard to get my Daughter back but Satan blocked me.

Now you know my Dirty Secrets. I am a Childless Mother and a Motherless Child.

Do you still care to get to know me? If so, you will never find a more loyal Friend.

Love Always,
Karen

Less is More... More of Less of Me.

Getting Real:

They are doing an ultrasound on my Gall bladder as it is failing. Checking my heart as it has slowed too much. They still have not figured out the reason for my dizziness that is so severe that I am not even able to walk..  My Potassium level is too low 2.5 and the doctor cannot figure out why it keeps dropping so low or what is even causing it.

My Doctor told me and my husband that I will never ever be able to work again period. But yet I am still trying to do what I am able to do to help myself out.

Positivity is getting me or you nowhere. I am dying,  there is no light way to put it. My father is dying and my mother is in very ill health herself and unable to care for my father. I just wanted to spend some time with my family before I do die.

I tried being open and honest about my dire situation, but it seems to have backfired on me instead and now I am being looked upon as a fake and a scam artist. Which could not be farther from the truth.

I am about to the point of just giving up on living,  period,  just because the people around me and in my life are so shortsighted that they cannot see past their own noses to see another's suffering and pain,  and to be a stepping block instead of a stumbling block. I have been hindered enough. I just need help.

When did the world grow so selfish and uncaring about their neighbors?  Their  friends, their loved ones?

What happened to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Is that not the only command that Jesus Christ himself gave to us?  Why is it so hard for people to just love on people? Folks,  keep your eyes on Jesus as Jesus is the true form of what Love truly is. Often times it just boils down to a choice, your choice.

 So who are you going to let win in this battle of mine, Satan or God?  Do you not want to be known as the warrior who helped me out when I was completely down on my luck and getting sand kicked in my eyes?

 I know the answer and it is because hurting people hurt others.  I am just tired of being hurt because people are too afraid to trust. When you are too afraid to trust it is because you do not realize just how awesome your God is.

 I know that God will get me there regardless of how He does it. It is just that I thought that maybe my family and friends loved me enough to want to be part of the God-sized plan to get me back home.

Please Help Me Out.....Help me get back home

Please will you please donate to my plane ticket fund to help me get back to my parents?

I have not seen my parents, nor have I spoken to them in 10 long years due to my mother's stubborn pride and unwillingness to forgive me. It was they who disowned me,  not the other way around,  Now when they need me the most I want to be there for them but I cannot be due to my Ankylosing Spondylitis and possible Cancer zapping us of all needed funds. My hubby and I only live on my hubby's SSI Benefits each month.

Please help me, please. I am not some spammer who wants to scam you all. I am a desperate wife and daughter who truly wants to help her parents in the short time she has left. In fact, just this morning I spoke with the lady from the Assisted Living place that has Memory Care because I want to try and keep my parents together. I also asked her to visit my folks to let them know that I am only trying to help from a very long distance away.....I live in Washington and my parents live in Kansas. This is utter torture for me! I want to be there for them and to show them that I do love them and always have. I also want to be able to visit my only brother who happens to be in prison.

 Please help me however you are able to whether it is with a donation of $ 1.00 or a $100.00.


***UPDATE***

I now have $250.00  in my plane ticket fund thanks to my brother, which was not easy for him to send as he is in prison and gets paid so little on his job. So Bro, here's a shout out to you I love you and Miss you bunches and I really hope to see you soon {{{hugz}}}!


I would have had a loan of $5000,  but it turned out to be a scam. Boy, do I ever feel the fool.

I just really want to get back home,  please,  won't you consider even a $5.00 donation?

 For $5.00 I will make and print out some pretty Stationery and my Daily Schedule.

 For $10.00,  a lacy bookmark. You choose the color,  I choose the style :o)

 For $25.00. I will throw in a hand crocheted Cross with a brightly painted wooden frame

 For $35.00 I will make a scarf of your choosing. I will show the patterns to choose from in a blog post. 

 For $50.00 I will make an heirloom Beaded Christmas Ornament.  

 For $100.00 I will make an Heirloom Bedspread. 

*****Update*****

Not sure if I should even continue blogging....

Folks,

 I'll be honest with you about a little event that happened between last night and this morning.....

I reached out to what I thought was going to be a helpful blogger to do a Guest Post for me for while I am trying to get my physical pain back under control.  Instead of responding to me directly this person took what I had asked in complete innocence not even dreaming that this person would take what I had said to them about "making it worth their while" (ie. Meaning a handmade necklace and earring set as a surprise for helping me out while I am completely down on my luck due to health turning for the worse) the completely the wrong way. They thought it was me asking for a a post for money....Can you even believe that?  Did they help me out, oh yeah,  by making me a complete laughing stock of the whole world wide web. They took my comment asking for help and posted it on their blog breaking it down as to why they would not help me and actually laughing at me about it. Did they not realize that I am a follower ( make that Ex-follower) of their blog and that I would recognize my own writing?! That really hurt....deeply....I had asked for help and this is how they treated me *hangs head in defeat*

I realize I am not the established blogger that they are although I have been giving all I have into my blog but my health going to pots... {You know, the molestation, the rapes, the pregnancies and the loss of my children plus a miscarriage and my parents disowning me, the domestic violence by my ex-husband that almost killed me, the truck wreck that did kill me but God brought me back to life, the being shot, my only brother being in prison for life without parole}, but did they have to be so cold-hearted about it? All I can say is that I hope they enjoyed tearing me completely down to nothing but shattered pieces....Thanks for your kind and generous help.

However, I did apologize publicly on their blog and this decision has been haunting me all day today which is the day I should have been enjoying my sweet developmentally disabled husband.

There may not be a next time,

Karen

Urgent Prayer Request:

Just found out that my 86 year old Father-in-law Pa Bear, er, excuse me, Don Roth is in the hospital and has been in there for 6 days. It started out as a Bladder Infection and it has turned for the worse. He was supposed to have been transferred to a hospital in Yakima for Rehab. As soon as I can get my hubby awake and dressed we are on our way to see him in CCU.

He has had so much happen to him in such a short time. First he had open heart surgery to try a pig valve but it failed. Then he got a pacemaker put in. Then last year he had brain surgery to remove an 80ml blood clot. Then he had a foot of his intestine removed.

This is not the first Bladder infection he has had. But from what they say he is not doing well at all.

I know that at this point it seems that he has just given up on living. He has battled so hard.
I would love to see his suffering to end peacefully. There are mixed feelings in the family right now. This is especially hard on my mother-in-law Ma Bear, er, excuse me Dot Roth as she is still trying to adjust to living on her own in the next town over.

So could you please pray for us.

What a couple of weeks....

Well, I am so sorry I have not been posting lately but I have had doctor appointment after appointment  and that is not even mentioning just how ill I have been as of late.

*Good News for now*

I went to see Dr. MacDonald on the 20th and he told me that my Enchondroma is Benign for now but he wants to keep an eye on it for the next 6 months to make sure there is no growth. So I go back in 6 months to get two more MRI's to see.

Meanwhile, I am having a Mammogram and an ultrasound due to a lump and a swelling I have on the right side just below my breast. It hurts like a dickens and I am having trouble getting comfy in bed now because of it. It seems to be right on the bottom rib. I have been so drained of energy, stamina, and pain has zapped all my physical strength. 

So ya'll, can I ask for ya'll to pray for me. We can really use it since I have run out of my Vitamin D3 and we cannot afford to get it being without it has left me with blind spots in my left eye and a horrid buzzing that started in my right foot and is slowly creeping up my legs each time I have to go without my D3 and I am out of my eye drops as well. Being without the D3 has left me terribly grumpy and I have been fighting with my husband but I think a big portion of my anger is stemming from my uncontrolled ADD.

 I broke down and wept today missing my family terribly  since they rejected me and took my daughter and son away from me when I was only trying to do the right thing. I wept for my children who I love so dearly even though they chose to listen to the lies my mother had told them.. I wept for missing my parents even though they have disowned me, because no matter how much they neglected my needs they are still my parents and I do love them dearly, it is just that they have taken their eyes off of Jesus and that they have never dealt with their own issues before having children. In fact, the day I was born my father was busy getting drunk at the GI Club on the base where I was born. My mother went through it all alone, yet she stayed with him for reasons I cannot assume. When he was home he was a workaholic. He was a prison guard. As you may assume at this moment I did not have a very happy childhood. It was mostly full of fear when I was going to get picked up and thrown on the bed next and I dare not repeat what he had done to me but even to this day I am scared of my mother and father. It finally quit when I was 12 years of age when I finally got brave enough to pull my father's bluff down while I was in class one day. I will forever be grateful for my Friend Christina who went home and told her mother what I had said standing in the Recess Line. Thank you immensely, Christina F. You will forever be my heroine, Thank You {{{hugz}}}.

 I wept for my brother , my only brother who is going to be in prison for the next 20 years. I love him dearly but I also suffered tragic losses and I weep for them every single day. I miss my niece and two nephews dearly. Especially my brother's son. His half-aunt who adopted him has refused for him to have anything to do with me just because I am my brother's sister. I did not commit the crime  and believe me, I grieve every day. I miss not only them but I miss my brother, he will never be the same again. I can only pray that he will continue on the positive path he has started on but I do pray that he will at least write me back. I love him and I miss him dearly. But he is living proof of what trying to Self-Medicate yourself  instead of reaching our to the help you can get can do. So I pray for all the family members of people like my brother. 

So if you are reading this and you just happen to live in Hutchinson, Kansas and so happen to know my parents H.E. Jones III and J. A. B. Jones please tell them I love them dearly and I want us to come full circle with "a circle that is unbroken". Tell them I said to drop their pride and to give me a call (509) 306*9696 please? That I have only love and forgiveness for both of them. As well as open arms. I understand that both of them are just hurting people and that they need help beyond themselves. The same goes for my Children A.B. Jones and C.A. Berg.

 Oh, how I long to just hold them in my arms again before I die. To be honest, I don't think I have much time left because of my health being in such poor shape, but I am trying to hold on as long as I can and I know that I will not die before God says it's time, but man is my body in a very bad way.

Please also pray that Child Support does not take our only vehicle since they now have got a lien against it. I truly need a lawyer but we cannot afford one and we need a new van so desperately as this one is on it's last wheel.

Well, I gotta run and try to get things cleaned up before the maintenance man comes to change out our shower head.


Until Next Time,
A desperate woman hanging on to her last fraying  thread and losing her hope, Karen

A Little Christmas Dreaming........A Mournful Remembering of a Christmas Past....

A Little Christmas Dreaming

"Peace I give to you,
My Peace I give to you;
Not as the world giveth,
Give I unto you.
Let not your heart
 Be troubled, Neither
 Let it be afraid."
John 14:27

As I sit here this night my first "real" night back to my computer since my power supply died in the middle of the night while I was sleeping fitfully, I am dreaming of a fresh Shabby Chic Victorian Christmas decorations and I must say that I have found a ton of inspiration on Hand Beaded Ornaments Which I am dying to start making. 

I bought small emerald green and pearl colored ornaments for a $1.99 each at my Bi-Mart right next door to me for my kitchen/dining tree I found in the dumpster. Let's get it straight, I am no dumpster diver but if something is on top where I can reach or {as we do here} is sitting on the ground beside the dumpster that no one wants any longer then I get it if I like it....Are we straight now :o)?  I snagged a $385.00 Italy Made Tapestry of the "Last Supper" that way ^.^. I am so longing to get it mounted professionally so it can hang in my Living Room. But cannot afford it.

I also have this Pinterest Board : Christmas

Christmas holds bittersweet memories for me, but I still love the spirit of the season with Christ being the Reason for the wonderful season we do enjoy. I had a family tragedy happen on Christmas of 2008.{It was horrid that is all I will say, if you truly want to know what happened just email me and I will answer you.  I am finding that even though I have no trouble talking about it that most folks are too stunned or feel too awkward about it to talk. But I will say that God is bringing good from it.  My broken heart still feels for the other family involved. I still pray for comfort and peace for them all nightly. Everyone involved suffered a great costly loss. I think I have suffered just as hard as the others involved, but it has struck a deep thread within my soul that just refuses to let it go. }

Christmas is still my favorite holiday and always will be but not without haunting memories ever so vivid. But with God's help I am able to still move forward although not perfectly. I am ever so grateful for God's Love and Grace. So with this being said I have made a vow to start making things that will outlast my life and leave a legacy behind for my children if they should forgive me and want it.. Life is too precious to waste a moment!