Live,Laugh,Love...Believe...

Welcome, My Friends!

I am sorry that I have been offline for so long, but the net connection we are currently using is up ...then it's down...then it's up ....then it's down. Which I mean it is down more than it is up :o(.

I so want a dedicated line, but we still owe $129 and some change on our old bill that my hubby refuses to pay. It would be so lovely if I could open our mailbox one of these days and have a gifted check to pay for our bill so we could get hooked back up again. But as of now, it is just wishful dreaming and right at the time I so want to get professional with my blog and non-profit. Just another mountain standing in my way.

 Lord, help me overcome this obstacle in my way, please. You are my provider Jehovah Jireh. Thank you for meeting this huge need of ours. I Thank you and praise your Holy Name and i ask this in Jesus Precious, Precious Name, Amen. Now who will stand in agreement with me? 

I have been using my down time to work on WIP's and I actually finished two of them last night!

Live...Laugh...Love

Glittered hearts

Paint Chip Hearts

Believe...

Chronic Illness Butterfly -
I chose Blue to represent +Chronic Illness
 as I suffer with several Chronic Illnesses.

Courage, Inspiration, Love -
I chose Red to help me gain Courage,
To give me Inspiration while Crafting,
And to remind me that the greatest of all is Love.

All Things are Possible....

The beginning of Faith is just to simply Believe

Live, Laugh, Love finished

Believe Finished

The paper flower was made by me out of a coffee filter that I had dyed.

The streaks you see on Believe is just where I took my ink pad and ran it around the outside edges of the canvas then I just held it even with the canvas and rubbed it up and down the canvas.

FYI: The three colors you see on my canvasses are the colors I am going to use on my Major project.....A Free standing Bathroom Cabinet. I am so excited to do it but I resent the work it takes to just be able to paint it...ughhhh! But it will totally be worth it when I am finished I do believe :o)

Until Next Time,

Karen

I have discovered that Google+ is Evil on the blogger Personal Blogs.

Just a quick note to let my Followers know that I have (If I did it right) Removed Google+ Comments so that all can post  here instead of having to sign up for Google+ first.

Very Painful Vacation & A New Diagnosis

I know I was gone for a long time....Want to guess where I have been?

I was admitted to the local hospital after an Emergency Trip to the ER.

I spent three long days and 2 even longer nights in the hospital.

Short story is that I ended up having a really nasty infection, tons of longstanding inflammation throughout my entire body and a unsuspected abscess growing in my colon. I honestly did not even know I had anything until the Colonoscopy procedure on the very painful last turn  but I went on home and scrubbed my toilet and at 6:30 a.m. the very next morning I had a Temperature of 100.7. I was able to get it back down until after my nurse called me back and said straight to ER with you do not pass Go. Then once I had been in ER for a few hours it spiked again to 100.3.

It seems the Colon Scope had struck my Abscess on the last turn back out and that is what triggered everything into motion..

My new very much unwanted Diagnosis is Ulcerative Colitis.  Here is a good site to learn more about this little nasty disease http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/colitis/

I am still very weak so I am off for now but wanted to keep you all updated.

Until Next Time,

Karen

The "Real" Me Getting Very Real with My Followers.....

The Real Me Karen M. Roth at Christmas 2013

I have included this picture of myself as I am finding out because I am a bit too informational and detailed about my life people do not take me for Real. It is because of such an attitude from my online followers, friends {and otherwise} and the people in my RL being too Busy and too stressed to have time for me and because of the lack of affection and love from my own husband  that on April 4, 2014 I almost was no more.

 I felt so rejected, unloved, and unwanted {not including the fact I wanted to see my father before he dies and to see my brother who I am have not seen since 2007} that I tried to kill myself.

All because no one truly is interested in my Life's journey, the pain, suffering, the major losses in my life....My Story,  yet I listen to other peoples stories completely before I form an opinion of them.

I am only telling you now just so you will know what has happened to me all this time.

I do have happier Craft related posts to make, but right now my health has taken a serious toll on me and I am so weakened that I can barely make it from my bedroom to my desk. Plus, prepping for my Colonoscopy. Which is the 30th.

The Special Adrenal Gland Scan just revealed a Benign Fatty Tumor on my left Adrenal Gland which still is not telling them what is truly wrong with me. Other than a possibility of it being Cushing's Syndrome or Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) but the Gyn is not convinced that PCOS is the problem. I am scheduled for removal of the Mirena to see if that will fix my problems.

I just know that I am feeling weaker by the day and I have the most awful feeling in my lower legs and feet that never stops. My vision has been adversely affected. I am now also using Fentanyl patches and my pain is still above that.

Well, that is it for now

Until Next Time,
Karen

P.S. Does anyone even care about me at all?

Missing in Action, Update and Special Request......

So Sorry I have not posted anything in so long but I ended up in the Emergency Room the last week.

May be TMI,  but you need to know it all  to semi understand the level of pain I have been dealing with for the past two weeks. The first four days I did not use my Prednisone thinking that resting and icing would get it back under control,  Major Ouch,  bad move do not copy me please!

But anyway here we go,

The ER visit revealed that I had Internal Hemorrhoids. Ouch # 1. In this case they are genetic not from straining.

My Two part Pelvic ultrasound found "Small Follicles" on both ovaries and during the past two weeks they have been taking turns 'popping'. Any Lady who has had this will understand this pain. Ouch #2.

Then I ended up with a severe AS (Ankylosing Spondylitis) flareup in my lower spine. Ouch #3. I am currently on Prednisone for it which has been helping which is why I am able to post today :o)

Then to top it all off,  I just found out I also have Sensorineural Hearing Loss. 74% loss  in my Left ear and 65% loss  in my right ear.  They want me to get a pair of Hearing Aids valued at $1900.00. There is no way I can do this and I have asked family for the help,  but have not heard back so if anyone has received them through the Medicaid Program please chat at me please!  All the hearing loss due to a stupid neighbor girl who lit a Ladyfinger Firecracker and stupidly kept holding it in her fingers even though I kept telling her to throw it down . However, She did suffer a consequence, lost part of her thumb. I am a bit angry about it, but I am choosing to forgive her.

I saw my doctor today and I am asking for the same doctor that put my IUD in as I do believe that I have had PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) all this time and the Mirena IUD has made it worse. Ouch #4. If any other lady has this, please, chat at me. I am curious to understand the PCOS Diet and which medication is the best one. On this note, I am scheduled for a Contrast CAT Scan to make sure there are no masses that Dr. Longo needs to know about.

My Pulse rate today was 100. my blood pressure was 104/72 and I have lost from 155 down to 147 without trying to lose weight. I am starting to get a bit worried here as my heartbeat has slowed down.

I am also trying to get the money for a plane ticket back home. I ended up being scammed By EZ Cash Advance and had to close my account and open a new one.  I will try to get my link for Donations fixed later this evening if not , then it will be tomorrow morning. I am so sorry about the mess right now.

So please pray for me.

Until Next Time,
Karen

Trying to Drown My Sorrow With Crafts

It has been very hard for me to be stuck in the western part of the United States while my family is in the Midwest. Especially knowing that my family truly needs me and not having the money to get a plane ticket to fly back home to help out.

So I have been drowning my sorrow in a few crafts.

I made this out of 11"x 17" paper (Legal). I folded it in half then I used needle and thread to bind it. I found a pretty piece of scrapbooking papers that I had gotten at Target and pieced the pieces together. Then used fancy scissors to detail it for the tags I used my new Fiskars Lace 3 way punch ( I love it!! ). Then I put some good old Elmers on the spine and wrapped the paper I  had pieced together around the legal paper and clamped it down with 6 mini binder clips.

Just a different perspective of the notebook I made.

Me and My Ideas :o)

The Butterfly and pearl wreath I had previously posted before I had finished it. It is now welcoming Spring and it will be used again for our Vow Renewal. 

This is the back of my Encouragement File I put together after reading +Joel Osteen's "Every Day a Friday" It is an awesome book and I highly recommend it !

This is the bottom part of the front. 

Aren't the Birdy and the butterfly just so sweet?

I forgot to use the Macro button when I took this but it shows the two Martha Stewart Heart punches I had previously won on EBAY. I LOVE EBAY so much that it is the way I have been gathering up everything for our Vow Renewal. 

This is the front part of the lid to my case. I tried to capture the two clear beads I used on the elastic you wrap around the envelope.

I tried to get the birdy up close so you can make out what the stamp says inside the birdy itself.

I am going to finish my sweater necklace I am making. I am so excited about it as it is my own design,  a OOAK....(One of a Kind).

I have also made an Exercise Binder to help keep me motivated to not only exercise, but to eat healthier, to help me understand my illnesses better and how I can manage some of the symptoms. I still need to set up the time I want to do my exercises every day and I am going to change the exercises up so that I am not doing the same things day after day except for the stretching. Not sure when I will start, but I will let ya'll know when I do. My goal is to be able to walk down to the end of our field approximately a 1/4 mile without having to stop and rest every few steps for 20 minutes. I really want to walk down the aisle on my own two feet , arm and arm with my dear sweet husband Ben. It is going to take a bit as currently I am on a walker and a cane. Barely able to walk to the mailbox and to the front office at the clubhouse. :o( So please pray for me and wish me well in my adventure to learn to walk unaided again. My most important dream it is be able to dance with my husband on the eve of our Vow Renewal. I want to waltz  to Beethoven and Bach. A true Victorian Romance *Swoons*

   Woo me , My Darlin'. You have all of me, heart, body, mind and soul. I have eyes only for you. None other will do, only you for me, My One True Love. Heart and Soul you are the piece that makes me whole.
Until in Heaven we should meet, Only you make my heart beat. I shall profess my love for thee both near and far. {©2014 Karen M. Roth "Profession of Love"}

"Oh, How I love thee, Let me count the ways...." { Elizabeth Barrett Browning‎} 

Until Next Time,

Karen  

Less is More... More of Less of Me.

Getting Real:

They are doing an ultrasound on my Gall bladder as it is failing. Checking my heart as it has slowed too much. They still have not figured out the reason for my dizziness that is so severe that I am not even able to walk..  My Potassium level is too low 2.5 and the doctor cannot figure out why it keeps dropping so low or what is even causing it.

My Doctor told me and my husband that I will never ever be able to work again period. But yet I am still trying to do what I am able to do to help myself out.

Positivity is getting me or you nowhere. I am dying,  there is no light way to put it. My father is dying and my mother is in very ill health herself and unable to care for my father. I just wanted to spend some time with my family before I do die.

I tried being open and honest about my dire situation, but it seems to have backfired on me instead and now I am being looked upon as a fake and a scam artist. Which could not be farther from the truth.

I am about to the point of just giving up on living,  period,  just because the people around me and in my life are so shortsighted that they cannot see past their own noses to see another's suffering and pain,  and to be a stepping block instead of a stumbling block. I have been hindered enough. I just need help.

When did the world grow so selfish and uncaring about their neighbors?  Their  friends, their loved ones?

What happened to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Is that not the only command that Jesus Christ himself gave to us?  Why is it so hard for people to just love on people? Folks,  keep your eyes on Jesus as Jesus is the true form of what Love truly is. Often times it just boils down to a choice, your choice.

 So who are you going to let win in this battle of mine, Satan or God?  Do you not want to be known as the warrior who helped me out when I was completely down on my luck and getting sand kicked in my eyes?

 I know the answer and it is because hurting people hurt others.  I am just tired of being hurt because people are too afraid to trust. When you are too afraid to trust it is because you do not realize just how awesome your God is.

 I know that God will get me there regardless of how He does it. It is just that I thought that maybe my family and friends loved me enough to want to be part of the God-sized plan to get me back home.

Please Help Me Out.....Help me get back home

Please will you please donate to my plane ticket fund to help me get back to my parents?

I have not seen my parents, nor have I spoken to them in 10 long years due to my mother's stubborn pride and unwillingness to forgive me. It was they who disowned me,  not the other way around,  Now when they need me the most I want to be there for them but I cannot be due to my Ankylosing Spondylitis and possible Cancer zapping us of all needed funds. My hubby and I only live on my hubby's SSI Benefits each month.

Please help me, please. I am not some spammer who wants to scam you all. I am a desperate wife and daughter who truly wants to help her parents in the short time she has left. In fact, just this morning I spoke with the lady from the Assisted Living place that has Memory Care because I want to try and keep my parents together. I also asked her to visit my folks to let them know that I am only trying to help from a very long distance away.....I live in Washington and my parents live in Kansas. This is utter torture for me! I want to be there for them and to show them that I do love them and always have. I also want to be able to visit my only brother who happens to be in prison.

 Please help me however you are able to whether it is with a donation of $ 1.00 or a $100.00.


***UPDATE***

I now have $250.00  in my plane ticket fund thanks to my brother, which was not easy for him to send as he is in prison and gets paid so little on his job. So Bro, here's a shout out to you I love you and Miss you bunches and I really hope to see you soon {{{hugz}}}!


I would have had a loan of $5000,  but it turned out to be a scam. Boy, do I ever feel the fool.

I just really want to get back home,  please,  won't you consider even a $5.00 donation?

 For $5.00 I will make and print out some pretty Stationery and my Daily Schedule.

 For $10.00,  a lacy bookmark. You choose the color,  I choose the style :o)

 For $25.00. I will throw in a hand crocheted Cross with a brightly painted wooden frame

 For $35.00 I will make a scarf of your choosing. I will show the patterns to choose from in a blog post. 

 For $50.00 I will make an heirloom Beaded Christmas Ornament.  

 For $100.00 I will make an Heirloom Bedspread. 

*****Update*****

Gentle Whispers of Love is Born... But First an Urgent Request.....

 Folks,

I have officially opened my Store, but it will be exactly one month and a half before I am able to add any of my items to the storefront due to personal reasons for which I am imploring your help....

I just received a call from my brother today letting me know that my Father is not doing well at all. It is because he has Alzheimer's. He has gotten really bad. I really want to fly back for a month  to spend time with my parents and my brother. I also want to mend broken fences with my mother.

But this presents a huge problem.... I am flat broke, someone has a lien on my van and my health has tapped us for every penny that we are worth so I am imploring of my followers, friends, family to donate to my plane ticket fund....The total I need is $ 500.00 I can get the one month package for less but I want to buy myself something before I have to say goodbye to my parents for the rest of my life as my health is just as bad as theirs is.

I want to purchase my ticket for April 1, 2014 -May 4, 2014 I want to get there before my Dad's birthday. 

Will you please help me out? I would be forever grateful.

Here is my button - 

Left to right- My father, My Mother, My Brother, My Lovely Daughter

Not sure if I should even continue blogging....

Folks,

 I'll be honest with you about a little event that happened between last night and this morning.....

I reached out to what I thought was going to be a helpful blogger to do a Guest Post for me for while I am trying to get my physical pain back under control.  Instead of responding to me directly this person took what I had asked in complete innocence not even dreaming that this person would take what I had said to them about "making it worth their while" (ie. Meaning a handmade necklace and earring set as a surprise for helping me out while I am completely down on my luck due to health turning for the worse) the completely the wrong way. They thought it was me asking for a a post for money....Can you even believe that?  Did they help me out, oh yeah,  by making me a complete laughing stock of the whole world wide web. They took my comment asking for help and posted it on their blog breaking it down as to why they would not help me and actually laughing at me about it. Did they not realize that I am a follower ( make that Ex-follower) of their blog and that I would recognize my own writing?! That really hurt....deeply....I had asked for help and this is how they treated me *hangs head in defeat*

I realize I am not the established blogger that they are although I have been giving all I have into my blog but my health going to pots... {You know, the molestation, the rapes, the pregnancies and the loss of my children plus a miscarriage and my parents disowning me, the domestic violence by my ex-husband that almost killed me, the truck wreck that did kill me but God brought me back to life, the being shot, my only brother being in prison for life without parole}, but did they have to be so cold-hearted about it? All I can say is that I hope they enjoyed tearing me completely down to nothing but shattered pieces....Thanks for your kind and generous help.

However, I did apologize publicly on their blog and this decision has been haunting me all day today which is the day I should have been enjoying my sweet developmentally disabled husband.

There may not be a next time,

Karen

Please Help My New Friend.....Organized Chaos

Come on, Ya'll please give my new friend a hand up on her Cash Giveaway!

#cashgiveaway #bloggeropp Sign up now with @ShanaMom2 and don't miss this amazing blogger opportunity!
— Karen Roth (@ffpaws) February 13, 2014

Betcha Cannot Guess.....

Betcha Cannot guess what I am in the process of doing?

Are ya guessing yet :o)

Cleaning my house...... trying to

Doing my nails...... bought two new colors :o)

Organizing my embroidery floss...... Already done.....

Finally posting a blog post? Well, sort of :o)

Have I made ya crazy yet? O.0 

Well, what do you guess I am going to do next?

***Here's my Poll***

1. Getting a new hairdo

2. Losing weight

3. Organizing my crafts

4. Being More Positive with my outlook on things happening to me.

5. Going back to school for Graphics Design 

6. Buying myself a new purse and wallet in a happier color 

7.  Biting the bullet and starting to give myself my Humira Injections every other week for the rest of my life in a very relaxed peaceful setting with my favorite music playing. 

8. Beading a butterfly necklace for myself, Of course ^.^

9. Making a Shabby Chic Christmas Tree Skirt 

10. Eat my favorite comfort food Kraft Mac~n~cheese with hamburger and peas

I bet you one of a kind handmade notebook if you can guess which of these I am for certain going to do or may have done already ^.^

Leave your guesses in the comments below, please :o)

Urgent Prayer Request:

Just found out that my 86 year old Father-in-law Pa Bear, er, excuse me, Don Roth is in the hospital and has been in there for 6 days. It started out as a Bladder Infection and it has turned for the worse. He was supposed to have been transferred to a hospital in Yakima for Rehab. As soon as I can get my hubby awake and dressed we are on our way to see him in CCU.

He has had so much happen to him in such a short time. First he had open heart surgery to try a pig valve but it failed. Then he got a pacemaker put in. Then last year he had brain surgery to remove an 80ml blood clot. Then he had a foot of his intestine removed.

This is not the first Bladder infection he has had. But from what they say he is not doing well at all.

I know that at this point it seems that he has just given up on living. He has battled so hard.
I would love to see his suffering to end peacefully. There are mixed feelings in the family right now. This is especially hard on my mother-in-law Ma Bear, er, excuse me Dot Roth as she is still trying to adjust to living on her own in the next town over.

So could you please pray for us.

On to Happy Thoughts....

Hello Friends,

I am trying to help myself think more positive, but for me it is so hard to do on my own so I have joined Happify. Will ya'll join me over there and become my real time friends? I could really use it now. I could really use encouragement. Maybe some happy colored notebooks or altered journals with a written notes by you  in them on the first page?

If you want to participate in my Happifying journey and giving me some real time encouragement just email me at Karen Roth Contact me, please and I will email you my address so ya'll can write me. I understand that many of ya'll live very busy lives, but can you please spare one moment to write to me?

Now on to something that makes my happiness factor go way up, I just wish I could have these things in real life,lol

Shabby Chicness

Roses and Teacups
There is nothing sweeter than a bunch of adorable teddies. 

Just a shout out to +roses-and-teacups you do amazing work :o) Love everything!

Speaking of which, rush your little selves over to my Blenpal, Angie Tower who is the most awesome gourd artist! I so want here Windsor blue purse, just my color and design, I have a crush + on it.

Regional Renown Gourd Artist, Angie Tower

Until Next Time,
Karen

What a couple of weeks....

Well, I am so sorry I have not been posting lately but I have had doctor appointment after appointment  and that is not even mentioning just how ill I have been as of late.

*Good News for now*

I went to see Dr. MacDonald on the 20th and he told me that my Enchondroma is Benign for now but he wants to keep an eye on it for the next 6 months to make sure there is no growth. So I go back in 6 months to get two more MRI's to see.

Meanwhile, I am having a Mammogram and an ultrasound due to a lump and a swelling I have on the right side just below my breast. It hurts like a dickens and I am having trouble getting comfy in bed now because of it. It seems to be right on the bottom rib. I have been so drained of energy, stamina, and pain has zapped all my physical strength. 

So ya'll, can I ask for ya'll to pray for me. We can really use it since I have run out of my Vitamin D3 and we cannot afford to get it being without it has left me with blind spots in my left eye and a horrid buzzing that started in my right foot and is slowly creeping up my legs each time I have to go without my D3 and I am out of my eye drops as well. Being without the D3 has left me terribly grumpy and I have been fighting with my husband but I think a big portion of my anger is stemming from my uncontrolled ADD.

 I broke down and wept today missing my family terribly  since they rejected me and took my daughter and son away from me when I was only trying to do the right thing. I wept for my children who I love so dearly even though they chose to listen to the lies my mother had told them.. I wept for missing my parents even though they have disowned me, because no matter how much they neglected my needs they are still my parents and I do love them dearly, it is just that they have taken their eyes off of Jesus and that they have never dealt with their own issues before having children. In fact, the day I was born my father was busy getting drunk at the GI Club on the base where I was born. My mother went through it all alone, yet she stayed with him for reasons I cannot assume. When he was home he was a workaholic. He was a prison guard. As you may assume at this moment I did not have a very happy childhood. It was mostly full of fear when I was going to get picked up and thrown on the bed next and I dare not repeat what he had done to me but even to this day I am scared of my mother and father. It finally quit when I was 12 years of age when I finally got brave enough to pull my father's bluff down while I was in class one day. I will forever be grateful for my Friend Christina who went home and told her mother what I had said standing in the Recess Line. Thank you immensely, Christina F. You will forever be my heroine, Thank You {{{hugz}}}.

 I wept for my brother , my only brother who is going to be in prison for the next 20 years. I love him dearly but I also suffered tragic losses and I weep for them every single day. I miss my niece and two nephews dearly. Especially my brother's son. His half-aunt who adopted him has refused for him to have anything to do with me just because I am my brother's sister. I did not commit the crime  and believe me, I grieve every day. I miss not only them but I miss my brother, he will never be the same again. I can only pray that he will continue on the positive path he has started on but I do pray that he will at least write me back. I love him and I miss him dearly. But he is living proof of what trying to Self-Medicate yourself  instead of reaching our to the help you can get can do. So I pray for all the family members of people like my brother. 

So if you are reading this and you just happen to live in Hutchinson, Kansas and so happen to know my parents H.E. Jones III and J. A. B. Jones please tell them I love them dearly and I want us to come full circle with "a circle that is unbroken". Tell them I said to drop their pride and to give me a call (509) 306*9696 please? That I have only love and forgiveness for both of them. As well as open arms. I understand that both of them are just hurting people and that they need help beyond themselves. The same goes for my Children A.B. Jones and C.A. Berg.

 Oh, how I long to just hold them in my arms again before I die. To be honest, I don't think I have much time left because of my health being in such poor shape, but I am trying to hold on as long as I can and I know that I will not die before God says it's time, but man is my body in a very bad way.

Please also pray that Child Support does not take our only vehicle since they now have got a lien against it. I truly need a lawyer but we cannot afford one and we need a new van so desperately as this one is on it's last wheel.

Well, I gotta run and try to get things cleaned up before the maintenance man comes to change out our shower head.


Until Next Time,
A desperate woman hanging on to her last fraying  thread and losing her hope, Karen